The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.

Here are the best from this week:

Rowlf

Ages ago I spent the night with a random hookup at uni. The next day she text me from the gym saying she had to get off the bike because “she was too sore from last night”. To this day it’s the nicest thing a girl has ever said to me

PissyPete

Every time I go in the steam room at the gym I have a piss so that the piss turns to steam and anyone who comes in after me is breathing my piss

PAF

I spent my 22nd Birthday this year smoking weed in my flat alone. Even went in and cooked myself a nice dinner. Actually had a great day.

Mr.z

I’m a teacher and the other day held in a fart until I was next to the kid in class that gives me the most attitude. Blasted him with a silent stunner then watched him get up and disrupt the class by opening the window and accusing his classmates of farting. Fair enough but I still yelled at him.

eqan

I once kicked the shit out of a girl when I was 14. I actually quite liked her but she kept bullying me in that way hot girls do about my acne, and so one day I snapped and threw a basketball with some force into her face. As she was stunned I took a run up and fly-kicked her hard in the chest. She went flying into this gym frame and everyone gasped in horror. Needless to say I was expelled, sent to counselling, the lot. I do regret it but at the same time I’m not mad at my 14 year old self for doing it.

Milo363

I swipe left on girls who have “feminist” in their Tinder bio

mylilstonie

I chatted up a 4/10 the other night because she was eating pizza in the street. Managed to get a slice.

The Kid, Frankie

A girl from my secondary school put a holiday photo up on Facebook and she’s got unbelievably hot, naturally I decided to beat off to it and as I cummed I, for some weird reason, said “that, is the business”.

Biscuit

I get nervous around black people

[noname]

Went for a happy ending massage and got a trainee girl who didn’t have a clue how to give a proper massage. With 5 minutes to go the madam came in to teach her how to “finish” the massage properly. So for those last 5 mins I had 4 hands down there playing with my cock. Really made up for those previous 55 minutes.

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Well done guys and gals – you’ve done us proud. Well, maybe not proud. But thanks for submitting and if your confession didn’t feature, don’t sweat it – just submit a better one next time.

Get involved and submit your confession(s) HERE – see you next week.