The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.

Here are the best from this week:

Morrisian

I always get a pleasant surprise whenever a foreign looking person comes up to me and they speak perfect English

Cultstatus

Whenever I’m stoned I write down all the amazing ideas and thoughts I have in my Notes because I don’t want to forget them. They never make much sense when I go back and read them

aiden

Mrs goes Ibiza tmoro and I’m all calm and chilled about it but on the other hand i’m convinced some Tommy Fury lookalike is going to nick her off me fly back to Leeds and bench press me infront of her and my entire family. I’ve watched too much love island.

Stealth piss taker

If I go into the toilets at work and there is someone else in the cubical i always put the toilet seat down and I go through the horrific process of cleaning all the piss off the toilet seat so I can sit down and pretend I’m having a shit as I’m too embarrassed by the fact someone might hear me goto the toilet or failing that I just go back to my desk and wait a good hour so no one thinks I’m weird. I’m 40.

CB4

Came home drunk with the GF the other night and played with her arse hole every chance I got during sex. Seemed like she was into it. I’m getting closer guys…

dylan

Putting on a shirt, tie and suit in the middle of summer is fucking ridiculous. I hate weddings

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Well done guys and gals – you’ve done us proud. Well, maybe not proud. But thanks for submitting and if your confession didn’t feature, don’t sweat it – just submit a better one next time.

Get involved and submit your confession(s) HERE – see you next week.