The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.

Here are the best from this week:

shabz

I had the choice between moving in with my girlfriend and moving in with my best mate and I chose my girlfriend. I think I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life

winterbank

There’s this video in the deepest darkest corner of xhamster that only has 13 views… I am at least 12 of them

Fml420

If I don’t keep my pubes trimmed my penis virtually disappears

HOTTBUTAFREAK

I’m a woman and the first question I ask myself when going to look for some porn is “consensual or nonconsensual?”

spiceupyourlife

Back in the 90’s, I had a poster of the Spice Girls on my wall. I’d hide when I got changed because I thought they were watching me and writing a song about my body. This got so controlling I ended up taking the poster down. I still sneakily think they’ve all seen my naked body.

I.P. Freely

I just started living with my girlfriend. She is cool and the perfect woman but I am afraid I will ruin it all by being collared pissing in the shower

Wolo

A female co-worker who I’ve fancied for months made fun of my haircut and it genuinely hurt me. I’ve had this haircut for years so I feel like changing it now would make it too obvious that it’s because of her comment. FML

Needs new socks

was Overcome by a sudden and urgent need to shit at work. No Toilets on the site I was working at and the public loos required 20p to get in. Lost control while trying to cross a road and ended up filling up my boxers. Had to finish the job in the back of my work van crouched over an empty carrier bag. Pretty low moment.

doombrain

I’ve been getting close with this 6’ tall black girl at my uni who is pretty sexy. For some reason she’s into skinny white guys. Anyway I’m sure she’s DTF but I’m scared to go through with it because I have a small cock and this girl is really tall, and black. It’s a disappointment waiting to happen

AnyAmyWilldo

I’m completely in love with any girl called Amy. They’re always so sweet and innocent but adventurous in bed. I took one up the arse once.

Skitzox

I got a spider web tattoo on my neck when I was 18. I was smoking a lot of punk at the time and believed I was going to be a big time hip hop producer. Let’s just say I’m 24 now with some nasty lazer scarring

pumpz

A few years ago I had to testify in court over some landlord bollocks. I get to court early and go sit right at the back of the waiting area to wait for my lawyer. In the meantime I take out my phone to pass the time and forget that I haven’t used it since watching porn the night before. As soon as I open my browser the unmistakeable sound of some girl getting banged just blurts out of my phone at full volume. I shut it down within 1.5 seconds but by then it was too late. Literally everyone turned around and looked at me. To all of them it must’ve looked like I was intentionally trying to watch porn in court to pass the time like some deviant

Jerririrueh

Flired outrageously with my female boss at a work social last week. She’s not even that hot but she has giant tits and authoritarian swag. It’s only a matter of time before we fuck and it’s all I’ve been wanking to the last 5 days

blacklung

Years ago as a kid playing with my cousins and their dog in the park. My little cousin who’s about 7 is holding the lead and without thinking I pick up the tennis ball and throw it as far as I can. Lab jolts hard and speeds off dragging my cousin off with him and she goes skidding along the ground for a few feet. Scuffed herself up pretty badly and dislocated her shoulder which still gives her problems to this day. Sorry cuz.

BABYJESHUSH

Got into sissy hypno porn and have gone insanely far down that rabbit hole.. . left my last gf cause i didn’t find her attractive & keep getting urges to go down on people 24/7… mk ultra… it’s a hell of a drug.

Factz

I have a wank last thing at night and first thing in the morning, every day, without fail.

—

Well done guys and gals – you’ve done us proud. Well, maybe not proud. But thanks for submitting and if your confession didn’t feature, don’t sweat it – just submit a better one next time.

Get involved and submit your confession(s) HERE – see you next week.