The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box (also located under this post) – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.

Here are the best from this week:

_ockc

When me and my mate were in college, we worked part time at a banqueting suite setting up the venue and doing catering. Boring most of the time. One night we were hosting an engagement party and the couple had disposable cameras on each table so the guests could take photos and then leave the cameras behind for the couple to develop them. Well obviously my mate stole one of the cameras and all through the night we were going to the toilet and taking pictures of our arses and cocks. One co-worker took a dump and took a picture of that too. Anyway fast forward a few weeks and my friend calls to say he’s been fired because the fiancee’s dad called and was furious about the dick pics. There was no way to link it back to us but I think they just made an educated guess because we were all such degenerates to begin with. I never got formally fired but I just stopped showing up to work because I know I’ll get ripped apart if I ever return.

squeegee

There’s a down on his luck (it seems) eastern European man that comes up to my vehicle every time I stop at this particular set of traffic lights and offers to wash my windows before the lights go green. Despite the fact I blatantly ignore him he starts washing my windshield and wiping it down while I meekly protest for him to stop. He then comes round the side and guilt trips me with his eyes about no giving him any money. It’s honestly the worst part of my day

CG

Once I was talking to a few girls at once but I was too lazy to keep like 5 different conversations going, so i used to just copy and paste messages to each girl and just have the same conversation with every girl.

Das schlug

To the guy asking if it’s OK to pick your nose at 25, still going strong over here at 28

Batches1

When I was very young I got into a fight with a black girl in the playground (I’m male) and pulled her hair so hard that her extensions came out. I freaked out because I thought I’d literally scalped her. Then someone told me black girls wear extensions because they have cancer and I felt even worse

Feederisuppose

I’ve just found out my new girlfriend gets paid £100 once a week by a guy to ‘Butt drop ,fully clothed on him. He’s twice her age and I don’t even care

Best and worst thing ive ever done.

Shagged my best mates recent ex girlfriend up the arse after a pub quiz a couple of weeks ago. Shes ten years older than me and since then we’ve been shagging almost every night and its proper nastyy

2_cold

Once got cornered by 2 chavs saying they’d fuck me up if I didn’t empty all my pockets. I put on my best despondent face and told them I was on my way to visit my dying sister in hospital and that any other day I’d comply but not today. One of them seemed touched by this and said “allow him bruv let’s allow him” and they let me walk away. Dumb fucks.

hertssobad

I drank a glass of red wine at the airport bar while the 2 girls next to me were smashing shots. I’m such a pussy

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Well done guys and gals – you’ve done us proud. Well, maybe not proud. But thanks for submitting and if your confession didn’t feature, don’t sweat it – just submit a better one next time.

Get involved and submit your confession(s) HERE or below this post (scroll all the way down) – see you next week.