Week Two is over and there haven’t been any tetonic shifts in the plate of the Sick Chirpse league with the usual characters still there or there abouts…except for Alex Prince’s Prince Boatengs who have emassed a total of 99 points in the second week alone to take him to the top of the pile. Despite naming his team after a very average Ghanian footballer he’s still managed to bang 11 goals in to take him top of the Golden Boot League too.

As if you didn’t get the message last week the boys at Sick Chirpse told you all about Michu and reminded you to get Aguero out asap and hopefully you did.

There are a couple of big hitters from week two that we need to remind you of while you’ve still got a chance to bosh a few transfers through:

BIG HITTERS:

For all those that put their money behind the £30 million man, Eden Hazard, you have already had your faith returned. Chelsea have scored 8 goals in their first three league games and Hazard has assisted 6 and scored 1 of these, amassing 27 points in three games forcing the hand of 43.04% of the daily telegraph managers to enlist his expertise. Our second big talking point also falls to a Chelsea man…can you hear the drums Fernando? Torres has hit the ground running this season after a quiet first week when he should’ve been given a penalty against Wigan but instead settling for 2 points – in week two he managed to score and assist 2 racking up the best part of 19 points.

Only problem is though if after these results you’ve begun following the crowd and stuffed these two in near the top of your team – you might not have noticed that Chelsea spent last night getting spanked by Athletico Madrid and Mr Falcao four goals to one – and the Blues won’t even have a game this weekend.  So if you read this in time – you might wanna take the opportunity to fork the majority of Chelsea players out for this weekend if you’ve still got your immaculate 30 transfers in tact.

BIG SHITTERS:

The same people that tried to squeeze RVP, Aguero and Rooney into their attaking three inevitably had to settle for a back line full of Villa and QPR players – which is why such people are labelled pricks. There is no way to justify this as everyone knows fantasy football leagues are won from a good defence onwards, which brings us to the first of the three of the big shitters of week two, Ciaran Clark. He managed in a single game to reaffirm exactly why Aston Villa ticket prices have remained consitently low for so many years – because they’re fvcking shit. It doesn’t get much worse than letting in three goals at home to a team who have struggled to score away for a couple of years, however, that just wasn’t enough for Clarkey as he decided to attempt murder on poor old Jelavic around 60 minutes with the score at 0-3 the way of the Toffees – cue a big fat dirty minus 3 for the week. Tosser.

Rob Green is allergic to clean sheets – not just the ones on the football pitch but he also pisses the bed most nights. The bloke is an absolute douche bag. Even Mark Hughes has realised this 1 month into his QPR goalkeeping tenure where it took him over a year to realise Joey Barton was a fvcking axe-wielding rapist nutcase (allegedly). Rob Green has done worse things in the first two weeks of the season than Ian Walker did in his whole career and as a result Hughesy has decided to sign Champion’s League winner and general good goalie Cesar resulting in Green being selected by only 0.44% of the telegraph managers.

Finally, the biggest of all the shitters this week was Wazza. After being dropped for the first game of the season he came back in to the starting line up against Fulham with all the potency of an air freshener.  Right at the end of the game with a literal 2 minutes left on the injury time clock Fulham sent on Hugo Rodallega aka. The Silent Assassin in an attempt to render Rooney obsolete for the next 4 weeks. Checkmate. Now Rooney is stuck with a bigger gash in his leg than most of the grannies he’ll spend the weekend banging.

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That’s the round up for week two. Hopefully you’ve all got 5 Chelsea players and the rest of the QPR defence and my team will storm the league…in reality I don’t think that’s gonna happen. Big shout out to Wes Holden’s Green FC – what an absolute shower of shit that team must be. Wanker. Here’s the league as it stands SickChirpsers: