• Tottenham 2 – 4 Chelsea
• Fulham 1 – 0 Aston Villa
• Liverpool 1 – 0 Reading
• Man Utd 4 – 2 Stoke
• Swansea 2 – 1 Wigan
• West Brom 1 – 2 Man City
• West Ham 4 – 1 Southampton
• Norwich 1 – 0 Arsenal
• Sunderland 1 – 1 Newcastle FT 
• QPR 1 – 1 Everton FT

BIG HITTERS:

Well, well, well…if it isn’t our old bald granny banging friend for life Mr Wayne doing his very best to tantalise the fantasy league.  Taking time out from his part-time job as a care worker at an old granny’s home to bang a couple of cheeky goals in both ends of the pitch. He started off his Saturday by giving Stoke the faintest of chances of an Old Trafford victory by stuffing the ball past De Gea, before setting the game alight at the other end accumulating a solid 12 points down to an assist and two goals. He also became  the first Utd player to score at both ends of the pitch since David Beckham way back in 2003…but that’s probably the shittest fact ever.

Marky Noble also earned every penny of his 3 million fantasy league price tag as he racked up the same points as Rooney after his two cheeky goals past the lowly Saints opposition.  The real big hitter of the week was none other than the cheeky little bearded Spaniard, Juan Mata. The second highest priced midfielder in the land of fantasy league accumulated a whopping 15 for the week as he tore apart Spurs taking Kyle Walker’s Twitter with him.  The midfielder has now scored three and assisted five goals in his last four Premier League appearances but the real question is can he do the job against Man Utd at the Bridge on the weekend?

BIG SHITTERS:

Not too many shitbags this week as everyone had a pretty good attempt at not being a complete donkey fvck up. However, it would seem that the most reliable right back in the Premiership, Kyle Walker, did not  get that memo. I suppose he can’t be blamed for having to come up against the tirade of passing from the three Chelsea playmakers of Oscar, Hazard and Mata but the Spurs fans really didn’t agree with that. As if letting 4 goals go past him, getting a yellow card and -2 for his weekly fantasy league points he also got hounded on Twitter for having his pants pulled down on the byline so as Mata could pull the other Juan before passing it to Sturridge for number 4. The Spurs fans took to Twitter in force to call out the Spurs full back and he bottled it and deleted his account which in itself is worth a couple minus points.

The other big loser of the week has to be Cheick Tioté. He’s not famed for shying away from a tackle but he took the game into his hands after taking a little kick and decided to go studs up on Fletcher and get himself a straight red. Whether or not it was a booking it cost The Toon a good three points away at the Stadium of Light and all the cheap punters out there some money as no one bets on the draw. Cheick Tioté is a mug.

This weekends fixtures are looking like this:

Sat 27 Oct 2012 – Premier League

• Aston Villa vs Norwich 12:45
• Arsenal vs QPR 15:00
• Reading vs Fulham 15:00
• Stoke vs Sunderland 15:00
• Wigan vs West Ham 15:00
• Man City vs Swansea 17:30

Sun 28 Oct 2012 – Premier League

• Everton vs Liverpool 13:30
• Newcastle vs West Brom 15:00
• Southampton vs Tottenham 15:00
• Chelsea vs Man Utd 16:00

Predictions for the week are Paul Lambert trusts Darren Bent and bangs a few against Norwich. Arsene and the boys put the final nail in Sparky’s coffin, special thanks to Cardoza. Reading finally get that win as Fulham fvck up away again. Stoke’s Anti-Football = draw. Kevin Nolan scores away for the first time in his life to get The Hammers a point. Man City put midweek behind them and stick a couple past Swansea but no clean sheet again thanks to Michu. Merseyside derby ends in red cards for at least two players as they play out a draw. Baggies hold Newcastle to a draw. Spurs make sure Saints keep on losing. Chelsea and Man Utd fight out a 4-4 scorcher courtesy of a hat-trick from an unlikely source…can you hear the drums Fernando?

In reality – the only thing that will come true is Michu will score, again. Remember where you heard it first.

Here’s the fvcking league all ready:

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