Week 31 is at a close and so is the Premier League action for a while as this week brings with it the disappointment that is international football. Couple of big upsets made their way into the league this month and not quite everyone backed the right players it would seem as there were a couple of shithole scores from teams that you would expect different from.

Top of the league Trems Trash managing a piddly 29 points where The Only Way Is Emma and Barcemoaner managed 26 and 31 points to send them crashing out of the top ten. Robbie Atkinson’s Diables Rouges racked up 28 points to take him into the top 20, and Ryan Williams’ Dirty Buffalo scored 45 points to take him into the top 5 for the first time this season – just 31 points off top spot. The big shout out goes to early frontrunner for the league Tom Sands and his Prison Break FC who managed 50 points to take him 6 points off from the top spot.

Here’s how the Prem went this weekend:

Sat 16 Mar 2013 – Premier League

• Everton 2 – 0 Man City FT
• Aston Villa 3 – 2 QPR FT
• Southampton 3 – 1 Liverpool FT
• Stoke 0 – 0 West Brom FT
• Swansea 0 – 2 Arsenal FT
• Man Utd 1 – 0 Reading FT

Sun 17 Mar 2013 – Premier League

• Sunderland 1 – 1 Norwich FT
• Tottenham 0 – 1 Fulham FT
• Chelsea 2 – 0 West Ham FT
• Wigan 2 – 1 Newcastle FT

We didn’t call many of these games right but let’s be honest you didn’t either did you…Everton stunned the blue half of Manchester with pretty much the same team that rolled over against Wigan last week. Villa battled hard to cancel out Jermaine Penis and co. Southampton took it upon themself to ruin Liverpool with the help of Brad Jones in between the Liverpool sticks. Stoke held the Baggies to a scoreless draw as expected. Arsenal managed to see off Swansea as Sick Chirpse favourite Michu continued his quiet run. Rio Ferdinand ran around like a nutter before setting up Rooney for United’s only goal against a struggling now managerless Royals team. The Black Cats snatched a draw against the Canaries. Fulham stunned the Premiership and Spurs themselves by snatching a 1-0 victory at White Hart Lane courtesy of Berba. Lamps rolled back the years and made it 200 not out as he helped see off his old club West Ham. Wigan beat Newcastle and the Toon fans will let you know that this was entirely down to them escaping an awful red card which should have seen Callum McManaman do some porridge.

BIG HITTERS

Rodriguez had a top game this weekend as his persistance and knowledge of how shit Brad Jones is paid dividends as he notched up a double figure in this fantasy football week for the first time this season. The Saints man scored and assisted in the same game for the first this season managing 10 points to help Southampton to a 3-1 win.

Chelsea £30 million boy wonder showed his true colours again this week as, alongside Mata, Hazard lit up the London derby from start to finish. He matched Rodriguez by getting a goal and and assist to his name on Sunday but set himself apart with skills that show him for what he is – one of the most exciting players in football today. If you want to see an example of skill and substance in one play just check out his goal to make it 2-0 on Sunday, simply sublime.

The real props of the week go somewhere that they don’t often go in the Sick Chirpse Fantasy Football League – to an Arsenal defender – Nacho Monreal. Nacho Libre has managed quite a few points since his debut two weeks that has seen the London outfit keep back to back clean sheets vs Sunderland and Stoke. After his disappointing 1 point last week he has returned with 11 this week to make him the league’s top point scorer with his first Arsenal goal to go alongside his third clean sheet. Not a bad finish after a great run from Cazorla and at 3.6 mil he might just be worth tucking into your back four seeing as he has had one shot on target in the Premiership and it went in – there might be some more this season.

BIG SHITTERS

There can only really be one Big Shitter for this week and I suppose that it should be Joe Hart for letting Osman score a slow motion curler against him, actually we could’ve given it to Brad Jones for his continued attempts to ensure Liverpool don’t play European football next year – no no no – it has to go the  way of Callum McManaman for his horror tackle.

McManaman decided that it might be a good idea to take after his hero Roy Keane and try and recreate the Alf Inge Haaland (or however you spell it) tackle and end the season of Newcastle’s Haidara. In all fairness the Latics did go on to win the game and arguably wouldn’t have had this not happened but still – this is the kind of tackle that you’d expect in prison rules – and you don’t expect that from any Premiership team other than Stoke. Here’s a little look at the tackle to end all horror tackles:

[yframe url=’www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TTuVKjO_9E’]

It’s internationals week this week, including two huge England games against San Marino and Motenegro, however, don’t worry as the Premiership will be back the week after next. Here’s the games:

Sat 30 Mar 2013 – Premier League

• Sunderland v Man Utd 12:45
• Arsenal v Reading 15:00
• Man City v Newcastle 15:00
• Southampton v Chelsea 15:00
• Swansea v Tottenham 15:00
• West Ham v West Brom 15:00
• Wigan v Norwich 15:00
• Everton v Stoke 17:30

Sun 31 Mar 2013 – Premier League

• Aston Villa v Liverpool 13:30

Mon 1 Apr 2013 – Premier League

• Fulham v QPR 20:00

Mon 1 Apr 2013 – FA Cup

• Chelsea v Man Utd 12:30

For your not so welcome wait for Prem games the powers that be are also granting you the chance to watch the hugely anticipated Chelsea United replay on Bank Holiday Monday – what more could you want?

Man Utd will do Sunderland away – RVP finally to end his 6 game goal drought. Arsenal to see off Reading at the Emirates. Man City to return to winning ways as Pardew’s men sink further into the bottom half of the table despite battling hard to only lose 2-1. Chelsea to win convincingly away at Southampton who pull a late goal back to worry Chelsea a bit on their start to something like 4 games in a week. Swansea to battle out a draw at home to Spurs with Gareth Bale still hunting for a return to form after a week’s absence. West Brom to beat the Hammers away despite Nolan returning from injury to bag a goal. Wigan to continue their standard late escape by beating Norwich at home. Everton to beat Stoke and put the nail into Pulis’ anti-football shaped coffin. Villa to score goals but Guzan unable to keep the Coutinho/Suarez game at bay. Fulham to draw against QPR. Penis scores again. Chelsea to finish Utd off to go onto win another FA Cup – just because they can. Lampard penalty to win it.

Here’s how the league looks for those who are still on the hunt for the £100 prize money:

Follow AMJ @amjeezie

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