Sankeys Refused Justin Bieber Entry To Protect Their Image

There aren’t many things more satisfying than laughing at Justin Bieber, apart from maybe laughing at his stupid fans. It’s partly due to the fact that he is the living embodiment of everything that is wrong with modern western popular culture and capitalism in general and the pain and suffering induced by the radiation of pure retardation from his fans causes us to consider converting to radical Islamism and just bombing the crap out of this god-forsaken planet to allow the few surviving humans to just try again with this whole civilisation thing because our most recent attempt has quite clearly failed. And it’s also partly due to envy.

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Well we laughed pretty hard at his most recent serving of comeuppance.

Bieber was in Manchester on Thursday to perform at the MEN Arena. Excited to try his first legal jagerbomb he probably Googled “cool clubs in Manchester” and figured he’d win over some “haters” by getting snapped in Sankeys. He probably pictured himself strolling past the queue with his entourage and waltzing through the parting made for him by the bouncers as they bowed in humble subservience to his majestic presence. He probably imagined the staff clearing out the VIP lounge and the owner personally serving 2 ice-bucketed bottles of Prosecco for him and the 5 sexiest and sluttiest girls they could drag forcefully from the dancefloor.

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In fact, he was met with a firm hand across his chest and a calm but stern, “You’re not coming in, mate.”

Apparently, the little smooth-faced tyke came out with the classic cringe-inducing dickhead line, “Don’t you know who I am?“, to which we hope the bouncers came back with something like, “I don’t care who you are; you look like a gimp.”

Sankeys tweeted this yesterday:

Well played Sankeys, our faith in humanity has been restored somewhat.

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He ended up in Sakura, feeling confused and rejected. But don’t worry, he still managed to put on a brave smile and tell his 35 million mindless worshippers:

Because he’ll always have them to remind him that he’s the coolest, sweetest, kindest, most beautiful, most awesome human ever. And we all know it’s more important to have the unconditional minionship of stupid people than it is to have the respect of anyone else.