I’m not gonna lie, a lot of the news this year has been pretty heavy on the doom and gloom as the world seems to be stuck in the middle of a global pandemic that doesn’t look like it’s ever going to end, but thankfully Robbie Williams has decided to step up and give us one of the dumbest and most embarrassing stories ever for absolutely no reason to try and cheer us up.

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Robbie was speaking with his wife Ayda Field on The Secret’s Out podcast with Alfie Deyes when he confessed that he once let out a little bit of poop in his own hand when he was trying to get out a silent fart whilst on a plane. Here’s what he had to say:

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I’m very good with not farting on public flights now. Anyway, so I needed to get rid of the gas.

And what I do is so that nobody can hear it’s me, I have a sort of ‘2 finger silencer’ where I just pull the cheek. A semi-lift cheek pull.

It’s definitely a silencer. I’m 45. I’m really good at this now.

Anyway. So I pulled the cheek apart. Let rip and followed through and s*at in my hand.

But fortunately, I got none of it on the fabric.

Rank and gross, although it sounds like a pretty good technique for letting out a fart if you’re in a public place. Might have to remember it, although it seems a little impractical if anyone can see you? I guess it works on a plane though sure as the seating angle would mean nobody could really see what you were up to down there.

What I don’t really get though is why he can’t just fart as loudly as he wants when he’s on a plane? I always find that they’re pretty noisy so you can just let rip and nobody ever notices? I suppose maybe Robbie is flying on super smooth private jets so maybe it’s a bit different for him, but even so I feel like he could probably get away with it. Think about that next time son.

For more of the same, check out this photograph of the poop that ended Johnny Depp and Amber Heard’s marriage. Really gross.