Real Life Snakes On A Plane

‘I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane’ is probably one of the most famous lines from any movie in the 00’s as everyone ever went to see Snakes On A Plane because it was literally the dumbest movie ever but also insanely funny and cool at the same time. Kinda like a shitty more well known version of Shoot ‘Em Up. But yeah I never thought that anything as ridiculous as that could ever happen in real life – it seemed kind of ridiculous to happen even in a fricking movie FFS – but it actually did happen on a flight from Cairo to Kuwait on Monday.

Ok so there weren’t like hundreds of snakes that escaped from a bunch of crates who I think were on some kind of drug as well trying to kill everyone on board, but a 48 year old Jordanian man who owned a reptile shop in Kuwait did smuggle a FUCKING cobra in his carry on luggage. To put this in perspective the cobra is one of the most dangerous snakes on the planet and it’s venom can kill a full grown elephant in 3 hours and a human in under 15 minutes. The venom causes muscle paralysis and death because of muscle failure. Yeowch.

Anyway, apparently the snake somehow managed to bite this jerk on the hand (yeowch) and slither out of the bag and under the other passenger’s seats which sounds pretty fvcking terrifying to me. Not as terrifying as Snakes on a Plane, but you know enough to shake me up and make me go crazy. I mean imagine if you were on a plane reading a book or watching the inflight movie or whatever and a fvcking snake slithered under your seat. No fvcking way. Remind me never to fly in Africa.

The plane was forced to make an emergency landing in the resort town of Al Ghardaqa which is on the Red Sea to get rid of this fvcking snake. There was no report on whether they managed to subdue it on the plane whilst it was making this emergency landing or whether it was just slipping and sliding under all the seats scaring the shit out of everyone on board. Hopefully the latter but the former makes this article more entertaining. The snake was then confiscated and then the plane resumed it journey.

The man refused medical treatment as apparently it was just a graze and no venom was passed, and then he just stayed on the plane and wasn’t arrested or anything which is kind of weird, right? Surely smuggling a deadly snake onto a plane should be a criminal offence? I mean this could set a dangerous precedent for douchebags trying to smuggle snakes between countries, I guess other countries have weird laws or something. ‘Goddammit I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on these motherfucking planes!’ could actually be being said as a real phrase and not a joke very soon if nothing is done about this.

And what the hell was the guy doing letting it escape in the first place? Surely if you’re smuggling a snake on a plane and you own a fvcking reptile shop you would know better than to let it escape? And surely you’ll keep it in a zipped up bag so that it has no hope getting out right, not a fvcking carrier bag or whatever the hell this brainiac tried to keep it in. And how in the name of fvck did the security guard not notice it when he was scanning the check in luggage? Surely a huge snake is going to stand out a bit on one of those things right? I mean for a start it might actually be MOVING as it’s going through the scanner? Actually scrap that even if it ISN’T moving it’s still a fvcking huge snake, how did somebody not notice that!?

There are a lot of unanswered questions about this incident and every report I have read seems to say the same thing, so if anyone else has any info on how this happened or what happened to the dude, please let us know. Until then don’t fall asleep on a plane anytime soon.

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