A bunch of geniuses over at the University of Illinois have found that indoor social distancing in bars and pubs is practically impossible because – get this – ‘strangers are inclined to move closer together after drinking’. You don’t say!

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The researchers compared the effects of alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks on distancing between friends and strangers. They found strangers who drink alcohol together may keep their distance initially, but draw physically closer as they become intoxicated.

In the end, the lab setting showed that physical proximity was reduced at a rate with ‘potentially important implications for public health’.

The study suggests trying to implement any form of social distancing in British pubs once they open properly would be a lost cause, which I think anyone who’s ever been inside a pub for longer than 5 minutes would have realised already.

Pubs are set to open for customers indoors on May 17, while all forms of social distancing – including in pubs – are set to be scrapped from June 21.

The biggest shocker in all this is that someone actually paid these scientists to conduct this study and see if people who get bladdered end up caring about social distancing. How about just go to any pub in the world and watch people for yourself? Or better yet how about going to the bar and downing a few shots and see if you give a toss about social distancing after that. Spoiler = you won’t. At all.

The whole point of drinking is to make it easier for yourself to make bad decisions, and that includes getting close to strangers during a pandemic. Although technically I’m not sure we’re in a pandemic anymore but I get that you have to err on the side of caution.

Anyway the point is that everyone knew what the result of this study was going to be before they even started it. The world couldn’t be more ready for the summer of 2021 and the start of the roaring 20s. Bring it on!