Hiring a prostitute is never a good time (well maybe it’s fun at the time, but afterwards you’re probably going to take a cold shower and a long hard look at yourself in the mirror). If that’s your bag, then you’ve gotta make sure that you treat them respectfully, otherwise you’re gonna get the shit kicked out of you by either them or one of their pimps. And that’s not a nice end to the story.

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This is exactly the situation that 70-year-old Dennis Pastorius found himself in after engaging in sex with 32-year-old Tiedanesha Eubanks. She ended up stabbing him in the shoulder, but both of them have very different versions of events as to why that happened.

Pastorius is up first (this is from a police statement, which is why it’s in the third person):

He went on the bus with her downtown back to his apartment and asked if she wanted to come up to his room.

They were drinking a beer at that time and they agreed to have sex for money.

After finishing having sex, she asked for the money and he stated he didn’t have any.

She saw some money, specifically quarters, in his room and he did agree to give her $2 in quarters and an alcoholic beverage.

She then noticed a couple of packages which were later identified as edible panties.

He stated these were for some other females.

She stated she wanted one but he wouldn’t give her one because they were $9.

He then noted that she had a knife in her hand and he tried to defend himself and may have punched her in the face but she stabbed him in the shoulder with a knife.

She then threw one of the packages and kept one.

Lol edible panties? Where the hell do they come into this? Also love the way that he says he “may” have punched her in face. Learn to control yourself man.

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Anyway Eubanks has a slightly different version of what went down:

She stated that she saw her friend Pastorius at the Metro city bus station and he invited her back to the residence.

She stated that they hung out for a while and she was going to leave and Pastorius offered her a set of crotch-less panties as a gift if she stayed.

Eubanks advised she and Pastorius had sex prior to her departure.

She states she was getting ready to leave and Pastorius did not want to give her the edible panties as agreed upon.

She stated she would take them anyway.

She stated at that point Dennis started to yell at her and struck her in the face.

After he struck her in the face, he immediately reached around in the apartment.

She believed he was trying to access some sort of gun so she grabbed a knife out of her purse.

She stated she held the knife in her hand as Pastorius came towards her to attack her.

She stated that when he swung to hit her again, the knife inadvertently stabbed him.

She states she did not know where he was stabbed and the blade of the knife broke off from the handle.

She got her items and left the apartment after that.

Damn, so it really is all about these edible panties eh? Whole story is ridiculous and kinda sounds like something out of a Quentin Tarantino movie.

Not really sure what happened in that apartment, but it seems kinda like Eubanks is a hooker if she’s hanging out and having sex with a 70-year-old man. Hate to be ageist, but that isn’t really something that happens on the reg is it?

Pastorius did head to hospital and turned out to be OK, whilst Eubanks is facing counts of prostitution and first degree reckless endangerment, facing 13 years in jail and $35,000 in fines if convicted. Ouch. Probably should have just left the edible panties well alone.

For more panties, checkout these bizarre camel toe knickers. I don’t know who thought those would be a good idea.