REDUCED LIFE EXPECTANCY
When you embark on a life of fatness you join a thickset line of iconic butterballs, who lived fat and died young. Those who who ate all the pies and in doing so paved the way for the men of girth of today.
Pavarotti, John Candy, the Notorious B.I.G. and others like them, they shaped the cultural ideals that still inspire today’s fattie. Drop a knob of marge to the deck for the fallen fat men whose passing shook the earth.
I know Biggie didn’t eat himself to death, but he would have, given half the chance. I often sit and visualise, in the days long before his whole crew were lounging, the sheer quantity of sardines Biggie used to eat for dinner. Mumma Wallace must have netted shoals herself.
The fat man must prepare himself for the increased possibility that one of his battered Mars bar arteries will implode, resulting in an untimely demise. Yamming endless burgers, isn’t quite viewed as the smooth, fatalist fuck you that smoking a cigarette is, but if I had my way, it would be.
CON
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