THERMAL FLESHINESS

The favourable flip side to that chocolate coin is eternal toastiness. Come winter, those skinnymalinkas will be all of a shiver, while the rotund chortle into their cornettos and flaunt their prize-winning calves.

PRO

WEIGHTY FUNNY BONES

 Are we chunkers funny because we are fat, or fat because we are funny? It’s a fried chicken or fried egg situation.

Either way it is undeniable that with a formless torso comes a comedic edge. Oily humour secretes from a gland indigenous to the plump.

If a fattyboombatty pops the shirt, and throws down, it’s kicking off, and will continue to do so, until an equally corpulent female equivalent round things off with a ditty.

I once met a felly fat man at a party who kept busting acrobatic physics-bending splits mid-sentence, and I’ve been trying to psychologically escape his sizeable shadow since.

PRO

☛ More Fatness: Too Fat to Face Execution