First There Was Milking And Now There’s Porting

So I’m sure everyone saw it last week when we featured the new stupidass student craze of people ‘milking’ which was described as the new planking i.e. something really stupid that all students/idiots love for a while and then hopefully everyone forgets it until someone does it one time and everyone is like ‘man, that was stupid, why did we ever spend so long doing that? LOL’ or something. Anyway if you don’t want to click on the link, milking basically involved getting a four litre pint of milk and pouring it over your head, preferably in a public place to make it as stupid as possible. It started in Newcastle but had spread to Oxford and somewhere else by the time I did a post about it. The thing about it was, although it was kind of a funny idea in practice the videos were really shit and boring because they weren’t even doing it in any funny places or anything, like just outside their houses or whatever. Lame-o. To be honest I had completely forgotten about it even though it was only about a week ago that I was writing about it. It sucked.

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That was until I ran into ‘porting.’ If you can’t guess what it is then you’re definitely a retard, but I can imagine that most of the Sick Chirpse traffic probably comes from retards so I’ll explain anyway. Basically, it’s buying a bottle of Port from the supermarket and then pouring it all over your head. The thing is, the guy who made this video actually made it funny so it actually turned out pretty well. Firstly, the locations are a lot better with the guy porting in like some kind of really long line, whilst he’s eating a subway, in the middle of a zebra crossing (making the traffic wait for ages and beep him) and standing in the river fishing. Secondly, the guy is wearing a shirt and trousers and nice shoes in all the clips so it looks even funnier.

Thirdly, and I’m not sure if I actually like it because of this because it is essentially #banter, but the porting video was made directly to rinse the Newcastle milking video because it’s made by some guys from Durham, who are obviously big rivals in the area with Newcastle. It also means that everyone in the video is a fvcking schweffe which means it makes more sense as to why they’re (he?) dressed up smart in the video. It’s also the little things that really rip the Newcastle one and even though it is pretty much making fun of the fact that Newcastle students are way poorer than Durham students (which isn’t really that funny because nobody really likes posh twats except posh twats) it’s pretty funny that the milking one starts outside Tesco and the porting one starts outsidie M&S. You know, they really put some effort into ripping them as hard as possible, and as much as I hate fvcking schweffes I’ve got to hand it to them that they absolutely killed it with the video. Hopefully porting takes off and we can all forget about milking. And then hopefully forget about porting.

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