Piers Morgan is a bore. When he’s not complaining about topless celebrities, getting punched by Jeremy Clarkson or hacking into people’s phones, he’s endlessly spouting a stream of utter drivel via his Daily Mail column and social media feeds. Not to mention that he’s one of President-elect Trump’s BFFS. He’s enough to make anyone want to switch off forever.
IMAGE VIA + VIA
Earlier today, the absolute edge-lord himself tweeted an excerpt from his latest heap of word vomit titled ‘memo to millennials’ claiming that our generation are “are a bunch of phone-addicted, selfie-obsessed, hashtagging, snapchatting, kale-munching, twerking, lazy, whining, ill-informed, politically correct, cossetted narcissists who find absolutely everything mortally offensive and believe there are 165 ways to sexually identify.” Insert obligatory Neil deGrasse Tyson meme here, partially for the relevance but mostly to make Piers’ skin crawl, with memes being such a millennial form of communication.
My new @DailyMail column which has all millennials spewing & everyone else nodding. https://t.co/DSlmhjKKmr #trump pic.twitter.com/RmTflOCOll
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) November 17, 2016
But that wasn’t even the worst of it. Angered young people from all corners of Twitter naturally responded to the suited baboon with 180 characters or less of annoyance. Piers’ responses were absolute trash, with insults being on par to those of a 12-year-old who had created their very first email address just last week. Just have a look.
I was never one of the cool kids.
I was always the realist kid. https://t.co/Xxy5lqylh3— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) November 17, 2016
Cringe.
Spoken like a true, supercilious, whining, smug-for-no-reason millennial. https://t.co/A9JTzXie63
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) November 17, 2016
Supercilious, whining and smug-for-no reason are traits that Piers understands first-hand. It’s what keeps him young.
Mate, 99.9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999% of my followers could hate me & I'd still have more fans than you. https://t.co/jHKc0oaUOF
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) November 17, 2016
Woah m888888888888
Only millennials use the word 'algorithm'. https://t.co/mxrMhw8DBt
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) November 17, 2016
It appears that Piers has gotten young people confused with techies. Twitter user Daniel Phelps calls him out on this.
Looking at your smug, starry-eyed, heavily filtered selfie profile pic, I have a fair idea Daniel. https://t.co/y9ATJxn5Be
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) November 17, 2016
Sounds like someone has a crush. And as if Piers hasn’t ever taken a selfie, it’s 2016 and photographic self portraiture for self expression is just as popular with middle aged people as it is with millennials. Just look at his Instagram feed, the absolute troll.
Why don't you come & have a try, you hairy little millennial twerp? https://t.co/1QE0e15EeN
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) November 17, 2016
He even challenges one poor dude to a fist fight, which would be a lot scarier if he was a hard man instead of an old sack of potatoes that probably irons his ties.
But this is where things start to get a little weird and the focus switches to hating on kale, cabbage’s nutritious and delicious leafy green cousin. The poor defenceless food item doesn’t even have a Twitter account to defend itself.
Want me to come & prepare the kale salad? https://t.co/ANSD0oz6Kh
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) November 17, 2016
I doubt it.
I'm convinced Kale's a silent killer. https://t.co/KTygiezovO— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) November 17, 2016
Nobody actually enjoys eating broccoli or kale.
They just pretend to. https://t.co/NxjX2TK8W8— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) November 17, 2016
Only way I could ever tolerate kale is to stick it in a Big Mac. https://t.co/KVEewH8MMt
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) November 17, 2016
Refusing to eat your greens, now who is the whiny teen? Give it a rest, Piers. Maybe if he ate a nutrient every once in a while then he wouldn’t be such a grouch. One time he even threatened a 12-year-old’s pet cat, it’s time for someone to get this twat a salad.
