So, Peter Andre. How would you describe him? A musician? A songwriter, reality TV star? Probably a little of each. I struggle with the idea of calling him any of the above. When was the last time you heard one of his songs? Or one of them got into the charts? Mysterious Girl? Anyway, ITV decided to give him and Katie Price a TV show back in 2005 after he won ‘Im a Celebrity’ and ever since their failed marriage they’ve continued to give them both their own show. I’m not sure why.

This latest incarnation called ‘Peter Andre: My Life’ follows him in his day to day life as he continues on with his family life and his ‘career’. Like the rest of the previous series did. However, this series has some very personal issues at the heart of it. His brother Andrew Andre has cancer. This isn’t a laughing matter and I genuinely feel for the guy, what an awful thing to have to go through. What does make me laugh is that ITV and Peter Andre have decided to make a series out of this. Following his family (Who look like a family of gay male strippers) going through this horrible experience, I mean why would you want to watch it? Watching a family’s suffering? It’s made even worse by Peter Andre constantly talking throughout the show, offering his nauseating wise words of wisdom. He won’t shut up and I ended up feeling bad for his brother who was struggling to deal with the fact he had cancer and had to put up with his crap throughout it. I’m sure that must be Peter Andre’s way of dealing with things, just talking like a bell end constantly. Peter also struggles to deal with the reality of what’s going on by always wearing designer sun glasses and standing by swimming pools with his hair looking nice.

When we are not being forced to watch his families suffering, we get to see him spending time with his children, Junior and Princess – who is sometimes called Bista which sounds like a type of gravy. I feel bad for Bista, not only does she have stupid name, she actually has inherited Steve Bruces’s nose. Possibly this is from her mother, Katie Price sleeping with more unattractive Manchester United footballer’s. This was the only part of the show that was mildly entertaining because the kids are more intelligent than he is, they spend most of the time out smarting him and telling him that he is showing off. Ironically, we don’t see him doing any singing or anything music related, from a man who is supposed to be a musician.

So what are we left with in terms of a show? It’s like watching a chimp parade around in an enclosure in a zoo, jumping around and throwing his excrement at the walls. He spends so much time playing up to the camera to prove he’s such a nice guy and he’s lovely and funny that it becomes more uncomfortable than shoving a cactus down your japs eye. The show is then made up of sad music being played constantly while Peter looks sad and whilst he’s doing his hair. He’s often shown to be two persona’s, when he is public and in his private life. Thing is that he’s exactly the same in both, a pathetic, materialistic, talentless bell end. They should have called this a comedy because I spent most of the time laughing at him instead of with him.

So is he the biggest douchebag on TV? Yes. I don’t understand Peter Andre. What kind of a man is he? He’s built a career out of people pitying him after Katie Price ditched him once she realized he was a nob head. I can’t sympathize with someone who was stupid enough to let Katie Price have children with him just to expose their whole relationship to tabloid newspapers and glossy women’s magazines to benefit her own career. Maybe if he lived in a council flat in Bradford and he lost all his money, I’d be more sympathetic. But the guy lives in a mansion, drives around in a Ferrari and can afford to fly around the world first class. What sort of person exploits his private life with his family just to make himself rich? A failed musician. Which is all he is. If you disagree with me that’s fine, you can look forward to next week’s episode where he goes to a garden centre and sings to pensioners, giving a few a peck on the cheek. Oh bless. Fvcking sellout.