Pentagon Scientists Invent Microchip Which Senses COVID-19 In The Body

In news that I’m sure won’t freak people out at all, the Pentagon has unveiled a microchip that can detect COVID-19 in your body before you show symptoms.

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As reported by MailOnline, scientists working inside a secretive unit set up at during the Cold War have created a microchip to be inserted under the skin, which not only detects COVID-19 infection but contains a filter that can remove the virus from the blood when attached to a dialysis machine.

The team at the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) have been working for years on preventing and ending pandemics. Infectious disease physician Colonel Matt Hepburn went on ’60 Minutes’ to talk about their revolutionary creation:

You put it underneath your skin and what that tells you is that there are chemical reactions going on inside the body, and that signal means you are going to have symptoms tomorrow.

On the filter to then remove the virus from your body via dialysis machine:

You pass it through, and it takes the virus out, and puts the blood back in.

Welp, I’m sure this will go over well. There are already enough crazy conspiracy theories out there about COVID and the vaccine itself without having to now tell them about a “microchip” (literally the worst word they could have thought of) that can detect COVID in your body, and convince them it doesn’t do anything else to you.

How about we just carry on giving every vulnerable and willing person the vaccine, and then after that work really fast to end the whole mask/social distancing/limited capacity thing we’ve got going on? Anyone who hasn’t been vaccinated after that will just have to worry about themselves. Seems that’s the best way to get back to normal ASAP. No need to throw another spanner in the works with headlines about COVID-detecting microchips. How about spending all that time and money working on a microchip that can detect cancer by stage 1 instead? Sounds good to me.

To watch a dude launch his bike through the window of a COVID denier’s car, click HERE. Hey, someone had to shut him up.