This is probably the oldest trick in the book and it’s funny that it’s happened to probably one of the most intelligent football players (at least on the pitch) ever Paul Scholes. Everyone always kinda implied that he was a dummy off the pitch but I don’t really know why anyone would say that because he never did any interviews so nobody really ever saw him speak, so I don’t know how they could have come to that judgement, aside from the fact that he was a bit of a ginger prick on the pitch!? Maybe that was it though. Still this incident MIGHT confirm that opinion, depending how you look at it.

This morning in a particualrly numpty move, Paul Scholes woke up to go to training but his car windscreen was all frosted up, so he went back inside to practice his tackling or something while he left the engine on so it would de-ice the windscreen. And what do yo know? He comes back a couple of minutes later having mauled some of his tackling trainers and his car has disappeared into thin air. Guess somebody stole it. Whoops.

Rather comedically the BBC website article about this story points out that Scholes really only has himself to blame as the Greater Manchester Police states that the Great Manchester Police had been issuing reports all week warning people to be wary of what they have termed ‘ice bandits.’ These ice bandits are described as  ‘offenders who target vehicles left outside houses, early in the morning, with the engine running while the owner returns to the house.’  They continue by stating that ‘motorists may be tempted to leave their vehicle with the engine running while they go inside to stay in the warm – however, it only takes a few seconds to steal a car when keys have been left in the ignition.’ No shit, I’m sure people know HOW this operation would work and I’m sure Paul Scholes knew too.  I say this is a comedic warning though because I find it hilarious to think that the BBC website actually thinks that people listen to police warnings about stuff like this, especially if they’re millionaire footballers. It’s kind of like smoking – everyone hears about it but nobody ACTUALLY thinks that they will be the ones who get cancer.

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The story gets even better because though it turns out it’s doubtful if Scholes even wanted the car in the first place. It was a Chevrolet Captiva  -which is some kind of massive 4 X 4 – but the only reason he had it was because Chevrolet have a sponsorship deal with Manchester United so they give all their players loads of their cars. Or at least one if you’re someone like Tom Cleverley. So basically Scholes hadn’t bought it so probably didn’t give a rat’s ass about it which is why he (completely disregarded the warnings of the Greater Manchester Police and) left it de-icing on his drive while he went inside to practice tackling or do whatever. Like he gives a shit, he can just buy a new one just like that, or better yet maybe just get Sir Alex to give him a new one from another one of the sponsors. Boom!

A bunch of people on twitter have even suggested it might have been an inside job because the car was so crappy and useless and he obviously just didn’t want it anymore. In which case, it could be argued that Scholes is a genius both on and off the pitch as he might have set it up BECAUSE he heard the Greater Manchester Police warning and figured it would be the most believable way to get his car stolen at this point of time. Of course, both of those scenarios are pretty unlikely.

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Basically I feel like Paul Scholes was just pretty unlucky and I think everyone calling him an idiot about this needs to think about it for a sec. There isn’t really anything more annoying in the morning when you get in your car and have to defrost the windscreen as you just have to sit there in the freezing cold for ages  doing nothing while it slowly defrosts. I myself would normally be fairly vigilant of ‘ice bandits’ as I can’t afford to buy a new car just like that and don’t want my insurance premium to skyrocket so would just suck it up and deal with the cold, but if you’re Paul Scholes why the hell wouldn’t you just go back into your house and wait a few minutes? You probably live in a fairly nice area and it ain’t gonna be a big deal if your car does get stolen and it’s pretty unlikely that that was going to happen anyway. Sure, it’s bad luck that it actually did and it makes him look kinda stupid but more than anything else I get from this story is that I’m just jealous of the fact that he gets to go inside when his car is de-icing itself.

Here’s a bunch of the best twitter reaction I could find. Predictably most people are being assholes about it but there are actually a couple of jokes that are quite funny, although everyone seems to be saying that Paul Scholes was late to catch the thieves…..just like his tackling which is probably the most obvious joke you could make about this guy. Yeah, I know I already tried to make a joke about his late tackling and it wasn’t as good as that, shut up.

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