No one quite knows why but on Friday this absolute Bantersaurus Rex climbed up on top of the statue of Prince George in Whitehall, stripped bollock naked and perched himself on the Duke Of Cambridge’s head. Police took about 3 hours to get him down and cordoned off 100m of the road as rubber-neckers and perverts alike looked on in amusement and arousal, respectively.

With obvious experience in front of the cameras, he offered the photographers a range of poses, including:

The Perched Monkey:

The Saturday Night Fever:

The  Titanic:

The Tea-bag:

The Reverse Cowgirl:

I don’t actually know what he’s doing here. Is he crying? Is he screaming in pain? Is he trying to bite the Duke’s head?

According to BBC News he’s called Dan Motrescu, he’s 29, he’s Ukranian and he doesn’t have a fixed address. He’s appearing in court today, charged with ‘possession of an offensive weapon’ and ‘criminal damage to property’.

Come on guys, I’ve seen his weapon and it’s really not that offensive. You really have to squint to see it and if you’re trying that hard I doubt you’re gonna be offended when you find it – just a little underwhelmed. And as far as damage to property goes, all he’s done is wipe his sweaty balls across Prince George’s face. The rain will wash it off. Seems a bit harsh to make him appear in court.

Some guy on YouTube claiming to be his cousin reckons he was on narcotics at the time and suffering from depression and his girlfriend dumping him drove him over the edge, and onto the Duke of Cambridge. However, Devan King, Magic Actions for YouTube shows me that you’re from New Zealand, and this guy’s Ukranian, so the chances of you telling porkie pies are quite high.

If you’re asking me, I’d say he just wanted to make sure all you Chirpsers out there had something funny to wake up to on this horrible old Monday morning.

Job done, Dan. Job done.

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