I’m not sure if there’s ever a valid reason for masturbating in public, but I’m pretty sure saying that you’re suffering from rectum pains that will only be alleviated by ejaculating is way down the potential list of excuses, mainly because you could surely put your clothes back on and just go inside to do the dirty deed?

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Nevertheless, this is what 40 year old serial public masturbator Jason Roach offered up by ways of an explanation when he was caught jerking off naked in the street outside the Speedway convenience store in Vero Beach, Florida at 6 a.m. on Sunday. The situation gets even more bizarre when you hear that Jason was actually stopped from pleasuring himself in public twice the night before, once in front of an Arby’s and once in front of a Wawa.

Here’s what the police report had to say about it:

For some reason, the police decided to let him go both of those early times, so I’m guessing there’s a three strikes and you’re out policy on public nudity and masturbation in Florida or something?! Can’t really see why he wouldn’t be brought in in the first or second time for doing something like that, but then again they do seem to be a little more laissez faire in the sunshine state don’t they?

As for Roach’s excuse, it’s not the greatest is it? Especially after he’s been caught three times, you would have thought he would have just gone home and called it a night and jerked off in peace to try and sort out the pain. Doesn’t really add up.

Kinda makes me think bath salts might be making a comeback if he’s been wandering around all night naked and jerking off? Didn’t have that on my bingo card for 2023.

For more of the same, check out all the weird and wonderful stuff that has happened in Florida over the years. You could spend all day reading that couldn’t you?