Can’t believe this guy fell under our radar. Brighton-based The Stag Company went through a ton of entries to crown one man the most whipped man in the country. That man is 25-year-old Mike Jeffries, who watches girly box-sets, wears boots that his girl saw on TOWIE and forced him to wear, and get this — he pisses sitting down so that 23-year-old girlfriend Joanna doesn’t have to put the seat down later. She even does regular spot checks during his trips to the loo and phones him if he takes too long.

Mike says:

Recently she has been trying to get me to wear skinny jeans but I haven’t got the physique for it.

Before we lament poor Mike’s situation, let’s define what it is to be whipped. Because some guys take a lot of pride in letting everyone know that they’re definitely not whipped. Let’s get real – if you’re in an exclusive relationship with someone that is pretty much the epitome of being whipped; you have officially given up all vaginas for one vagina. Think you can do whatever you want whenever you want with no consideration for anyone else? That’s called being single. We’re all pussy whipped. If you don’t want a girl telling you what to do don’t date them. Any guy who thinks he can start dating a girl and do whatever he wants has another thing coming.

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Don’t get me wrong though, there’s a massive difference between what I’m saying and being ordered to sit down when you piss. There’s a huge difference between your girlfriend telling you to change your top to the one she prefers and making you crush your balls into a pair of skinny jeans.

Solution: accept that you will no longer have 100% control over things when you are with your girlfriend, and start using that shit to your advantage. For example, personally there’s some days where I just don’t want to make any plans. Where do you want to go, what do you want to eat, what are you doing tonight etc; those questions can get irritating as shit sometimes. Unless you feel like hiring a personal secretary to go along with your girlfriend you can just let her make all those decisions when you can’t be fussed — problem solved.

Also let’s not forget that having a girlfriend is a great excuse to cancel plans with other people. When you’re single and someone asks you to come round or whatever and you’re just not in the mood, sometimes it can get tricky saying no. You can either be honest and imply to your friend “sorry, I don’t want to see your face today” or you can make out like it’s totally not your fault and be all like “sorry man, you know how it is. The old ball and chain! Fucking girls man!” But the reality is you’ve just used your girl as the perfect excuse to get out of doing shit you don’t feel like doing.

And that’s the irony right there. A lot of guys act like they’re in prison when they have a girlfriend — you just have to realise how it can work to your advantage.