Millionaire biohacker Bryan Johnson had dedicated his life to “reversing the ageing process,” spending $2 million a year on a program he calls Project Blueprint. Johnson sticks to a radical vegan diet, takes 111 pills a day, takes human growth hormones, and undergoes monthly colonoscopies and MRI’s.

So far, he’s had decent results. Apparently, 47-year-old Johnson has the heart of a 37-year-old, the skin of a 28-year-old, and the lung capacity of a teenager. Oh, and erm, the c0ck of a… much younger man.

Which is where Bryan Johnson’s 17-year-old son Talmage comes into the story. Johnson has already infused himself with his son’s blood in an attempt to stave off the effects of ageing, and has now revealed he’s also collecting data on his son’s boners and comparing them against his own.

Here’s what Bryan Johnson Tweeted out the other day:

Nighttime erection data from my 19-year-old son, @talmagejohnson_, and me. His duration is two minutes longer than mine.

Raise children to stand tall, be firm, and be upright. pic.twitter.com/ruIYyPMrUC

— Bryan Johnson /dd (@bryan_johnson) January 22, 2025

Now, some people seem to think that Bryan Johnson went too far by sharing his teenaged son’s erection statistics with the world. But others say that this is actually a prime example of a healthy father-son relationship.

In fact, it appears that Talmage shares his dad’s passion for staying in tip top physical condition. They go to the gym together, eat an insanely healthy diet together, and even hold up bottles of sperm together:

Obviously if you were at your son’s football game and another parent came up to you and said that they measure their son’s boners and compare it to their own, you would probably call 999 on them. But in the case of Bryan Johnson and his son, I’m positive this is purely to do with the anti-ageing experiment that he’s already invested so much time and money into. He’s so passionate about reverse-ageing that he’s competing with his own son to see who has the strongest boner ffs. I don’t even think he’s particularly mad that his son’s nighttime boners last for 2 minutes longer than his. He’s actually proud of it!

Talmage doesn’t seem to have an issue with it either:

I’m grateful for the way my dad has raised me. https://t.co/amtORnrVN3

— Talmage Johnson (@talmagejohnson_) January 22, 2025

Fair enough really. I just can’t imagine how outraged and disappointed Bryan would be if he caught his son drinking a beer or smoking a cigarette one day. Must be a lot of pressure to follow in his dad’s footsteps and essentially live forever.

P.S. Johnson recently dumped his fiancée because her breast cancer was a ‘net negative’ on his future plans. What a guy.