It’s never nice when you get ghosted by your friends because they don’t like you and want to hang out with other people, but I don’t think it’s an excuse to run around chopping people’s dicks off. Just go get some other friends yourself or sulk in your bedroom or something.

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Anyway, 46 year old Wayne Buxton clearly doesn’t feel the same way as me about this because when his ‘best friend’ Steven Sealy came to visit him but went to the upstairs flat above them during it to see some other people, he decided to attack him and slash his penis. The row took place in September 2017 and involved Buxton getting so angry that he grabbed a knife and slashed Sealy’s armpit, finger and penis.

Buxton appeared in court yesterday and was found guilty of the misdemeanour, being sentenced to nine months in prison and being given a two year restraining order from Sealy. He was also ordered to perform a rehabilitation program. Prosecutor Alun Williams said:

Mr Sealy was on the floor with the defendant above him.

Mr Sealy recalls fighting for his life. Mr Sealy called the police and realised he had been cut to his hand.

An ambulance was requested and the defendant was restrained.

As the defendant was led to a police vehicle he said: “You are dead, you are fucking dead”.’

Sounds kinda grim. Buxton got away with a relatively light sentence because he told the court he was an alcoholic with some medical problems. Dunno if that really causes you to attack your friends with murderous intentions because they’re hanging out with someone else, but thankfully I haven’t been in that position yet. Let’s hope I never am.

For more of the same, check out this picture of a man who got his penis stuck in a weight. Yeowch.