An unnamed 45-year-old man was rushed to hospital recently after he decided it would be a good idea to stick some live pond fish up his butt.

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Apparently he was drunk at the time and was feeling a little frisky. I’m still not entirely sure how you make the jump from feeling a bit horny to full on shoving pond loaches into your system. I’m guessing he’s done this before.

Following the insertion, he started to feel severe blood pressure and he was rushed to hospital in Guangzhou, China after showing signs of a high temperature and low blood pressure. The doctors discovered that one of the fish had broken through the bowel wall, which was causing the patient severe pain.

He was diagnosed with perforation of the intestine and was at risk of septic shock due to infection. The surgeons had to perform an abdominal digital radiography to locate the fishes as they had been in his system for over a day. One of the doctors said:

The second fish is four inches long and 0.8 inches wide. He could have lost his life if this loach swam further and reached upper organs.

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This dude’s lucky to have made it out the other side – what an embarrassing death that would’ve been. There’s a strong lesson to be learned from this – animals and buttholes do not mix, end of. Same goes for chopsticks.