Dating in the modern world can be a tricky thing. Although we’ve got dating apps like Tinder, in a way the easy access to meeting new people has hindered us when it comes to finding a long-lasting and meaningful match.

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Someone who suffers this pain is 37-year-old Alan, who’s search for the “ideal woman” has led to him setting up a website. The computer science graduate has said that after facing certain lifestyle changes, he’s now looking to find a partner he can share the rest of his life with.

In order to do so, he put together a list of qualities he’s looking for in a woman, which he updated every year until it became an essay. And let’s just say that it’s clear from this list that Alan is a man who knows what he wants.

When it comes to the outer beauty, Alan says:

First things first, she should not be overweight and (should be) respectful towards her body, at least trying to eat healthy food and exercising sometimes.

Someone who is preferably around my age but not necessarily – I’d rule out more than a 10 year age gap. I’d prefer classical outfits, or nineties trends with high waist pants and I don’t particularly like super thin high heels.

Although I’m fine with random, exceptional and very recreational use of coffee, smoke and drugs, she must be free from any addiction related to them.

Well that’s mighty big of him. When it comes to communication, Alan’s perfect woman will be fluent in English, but you’ve also got to be able to speak at least one other language. Well that rules me out… damn.

Now onto the “personality and experience”: 

I obviously couldn’t be together with superficial females who can just think about career, fashion, holidays, owning stuff and have shallow conversations.

I would be looking for a woman who is a free thinker, open minded, free from social constrictions or fake morals and of course a woman who does not believe in any god but in herself and her rational judgement based on empirical, scientific and philosophical knowledge.

I wouldn’t be able to accept a relationship with a wage-slave of a 9-to-5. In fact, I will never be able to stand a relationship where I can see my other half only during the nighttime after work. I strongly despise employees and the corporate mentality thus it would be an excellent idea to work together, start a business from scratch.

Even Coco Chanel said that fashion fades, but style remains. Women who follow fashion are destined to fade together with their poor self awareness,

Actually being superficial is not about aiming for a better job or modern clothing, but considering them a priority in your life. Women who have failed to be feminine, build a personality or are not emotionally intelligent, become insecure enough to seek a comfortable position in a job where there is someone else telling them what to do.

This is what they call independence: the possibility of earning just enough to spend their money on a rent for a place they actually use to sleep only, on weekends, pretentious dine-outs and trashy clothing paid twice the cost of classical clothing. Only few women have enough depth to use their free time to search on google “how to start your own business” , or learn about history instead of watching videos of cats and babies on Facebook or connect intellectually with few friends instead of accumulating hundreds of contacts only capable of spending time at the pub getting drunk.

Times goes by and sooner or later this attitude makes a woman weak enough to live in the denial that she does not need a man in her life. I do not want to generalise but you get that picture when you look at masses.

OK, so it’s clear that Alan is not a man who enjoys mainstream society, which is fair enough. But I think that he might have gone a bit overboard with the specifics. And you just know that people are going to argue back that he’s not exactly a catch himself.

Anyway, if none of his essay has put you off and you feel like you fit into Alan’s rigorous criteria then get in touch… unless any of the following is you, in which case he doesn’t want you to get in contact with him:

Anyone who believes in God.

Anyone who wants kids Anyone who is ‘too happy with their current life’ (which implies that you should start asking yourself some serious questions).

Anyone who can’t run, swim, drive a car, ride a bike.

Anyone who doesn’t want to ‘venture to some uninhabited island together for a few months’.

Anyone who is into fashion or is career-focused.

Good luck.

For more dating disasters, check out our weekly round up of the best and worst Tinder profiles and conversations.