There’s a whole sub genre of posts here on Sick Chirpse about seagulls being absolute bellends to general members of the public, but there aren’t so many where the roles have been reversed.

Images VIA

This is definitely one of those moments though, with a strange man by the name of David Lee  accused of putting his penis into the beak of one of the seaside pests. 39 year old Sunderland man Lee appeared in court on Friday 17th February, charged with causing unnecessary suffering to a protected animal under the Animal Welfare Act 2006 for the bizarre incident that allegedly took place back on Thursday August 18th 2022.

Here’s what prosectors had to say about it:

Unreservedly did an act [where] he took a wild bird, forced it down, and placed his penis in its mouth, whereby causing unnecessary suffering to that animal.

That’s not very articulate from the prosecutor there is it? You think they would learn how to speak better and not use weird words like ‘unreservedly’ and ‘whereby’ so as to get their point across a bit more clearly right? Just because you’re in Sunderland doesn’t mean you have to talk all fancy so we don’t think you’re stupid. Doesn’t work like that.

Anyway, aside from that this is an awfully strange offence for this David Lee guy to be accused of committing. I just can’t even imagine what would possess someone to put their dick into a seagull’s mouth because I would fully expect the little fxcker to bite it off straight away. Can’t even begin to comprehend what David Lee was thinking when he did that because let’s face it, if he’s been accused of it then he probably did it right? Ain’t nobody making up something as ridiculous as that.

Lee has plead not guilty and has been granted unconditional bail until a later date. Be very interesting to see how this plays out and how he even hopes to defend himself when the trial comes around.

For more of the same, check out when this guy appeared to spike a seagull with an ecstasy tablet.