7) Money Won’t Stop You Being A Bell-End

If you’re a bell-end (come on, you know who you are, your friends always call you a bell-end, they’re not joking, they mean it) you will always be a bell-end. No amount of cash can take that title away from you. Be mindful of this. You will be a rich bell-end, but a bell-end none the less.

Try to turn your bell-endness down a couple of notches, a rich bell-end gets a lot more attention than a poor one and that could be your downfall. Like rowdy British bell-end Michael Carroll, the self-proclaimed “King of the Chavs”.

Carroll won a trough of cash, bought cars and houses, and set up a demolition derby track in his garden. Guess what? His neighbours didn’t really appreciate it. In June 2005, Carroll was given an ASBO after getting drunk and catapulting steel balls from his Mercedes van, which resulted in breaking 32 car and shop windows. He was sentenced to 240 hours of community service and a warning he could face jail time if he did not adhere to the ASBO. Bell-end.

In 2006 he finally got a 9 month sentence and he’s now pretty much flat broke. So like I say, if you’re a bell-end, try to be less bell-endish if you can.

In the humongously unlikely event that you get yourself a bunch of millions from the lottery remember: don’t trust anyone, don’t be generous, be less bell-endish and don’t rob off the state. You should get on just fine.