Multiple Opponents
This is a scarier concept than it sounds. As my Father always said, 3 people cant hit you at once. I took this as watertight advice until I found myself on the floor during one scuffle. There it does have its flaws. So stay off the floor. Let’s assume that you have managed to stay upright and through some abhorrent luck, you have found yourself against a troika of blood baying, up-for-a-bit-of-the-old-ultra-violence lunatics. Unfortunately, your hubris negates ‘flight’ from being one of the very limited primal options. However, when faced with such a predicament I have found a solution which satiates even the proudest of gentlemen, whilst avoiding a tri-beating- Tip number 4, as long as you get the last aggressive action in before fleeing, you have technically stood up for yourself and have won the conflict (‘got you last’!). Throw something, anything, spit at them, give one of them a cheeky slap and then get out of there. You have defended your honour, now disappear before they have a chance to defend theirs.
As an aside, under no circumstances is biting ever permitted as tolerable conduct. If you are Hannibal, Luis Suarez, or just your average punter with cannibalistic tendencies and a penchant for raw human flesh, then quite frankly I hope those who pick on you do so with a sisyphean enthusiasm. Apart from the obvious diseases like epilepsy, there is a little thing called modern decency and a general worldly acceptance that we are a civilized race and have moved on from such primitive practices. A good old poke in the eye or low blow should be enough to satisfy the urges of even the dirtiest of fighters. Keep it gentlemanly.
