Wow. It’s been a couple of weeks since we posted anything about Justin Bieber so apologies about that. Or maybe I should apologise about doing another post about it because it seemed like a bunch of people were getting so mad that we were featuring the little dickhead so much on Sick Chirpse. Lighten up h8rs – we’re only doing stories about him to laugh about how stupid he is and so we can chart his slow decline into failed grown up pop star, which will inevitably be populated by a bunch of meltdown moments, many of which have already happened. Watch this space.

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This story is undoubtedly going to be a major footnote in that transition though. Apparently Justin Bieber is a really lousy neighbour (who would have thought it?) and when his neighbour went over to complain about some of the shit that Bieber was up to (driving his Ferrari around the neighbourhood really loud in the middle of the night, letting people have all night parties in his house while he was away on tour), Bieber decided he wasn’t going to take that shit and full on assaulted the neighbour! WHOA!

Well, that was the original story that and everyone probably thought it was kind of embarrassing to be that neighbour because I mean who would actually want to admit that Justin Bieber had assaulted them!? He’s a little pipsqueak lesbian FFS and although there’s obviously nothing embarrassing about being beaten up by a homosexual (gotta be so PC now we have all these trolls) it’s definitely embarrassing to be beaten up by one called Justin Bieber who is a scrawny little runt who has looks about as tough as the Sherminator.

That was when we thought that this dude had actually been assaulted though. It turns out that this dude is even lamer than somebody ho got assaulted by Justin Bieber and reported it to the cops – this neighbour guy is actually the kind of person who EXAGGERATES getting beaten up by Justin Bieber.

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Here’s a statement that an alleged ‘close acquaintance’ released to Gawker. They haven’t verified it so it could be made up for all we know, but Gawker is normally pretty reliable so we’ll take it for what it’s worth right now. It also makes the whole affair way funnier this way:

‘.…I happen to be very close with the man Justin allegedly ‘beat up.’ after I saw the story on gawker I immediately called him and asked what went down. Turns out, justin just got a new ferrari in the mail and was driving it around his neighborhood early in the morning so my friend went over and asked to quiet things down. Some harsh words were exchanged and justin then proceeded to spit on him. no punches were thrown, Justin just spit on him and went inside. Thats when [my friend] called the police.’

It’s bad enough admitting to it but why the hell would anyone MAKE UP that Justin Bieber had assaulted them. I know it’s so he might get kicked out of the house and move away, but still are times really that desperate that this dude needs to call for such desperate measures? I mean if he wasn’t already a complete and utter pussy there’s no way that anyone is not going to call him a complete and utter pussy for the rest of his life after this one.

And as for Justin Bieber? Given his recent actions it doesn’t seem that outrageous to think that he might have spat on or beat up his neighbour. He’s probably more likely to have just spat on him though because he’s still a fucking pussy.

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