Lion-heart JT is a proper fvcking geez. He’s the bestest defender we’ve ever had ‘cos despite being wank at playing footy n’tings he makes up for it by thrusting his ugly head in absurd places like the path of someone’s swinging boot. Despite being a super top top bloke, JT was annoyingly, for the best part of a decade, really really sweet at defending* and smashing his mates wives. Incidentally my favourite thing about JT is that in 2007 whilst admittedly being pretty boss – but ultimately one paced, even then – he had the audacity to request a 10 year contract where he would be Chelsea’s highest earner for that duration, with the option to become the clubs manager at the end. The option! Such temerity! My lord, what a chutney.
*That’s defending, not football. Aside for deflecting things with his rank face and doing really big toe punts in the vague direction of Drogba, Terry’s tekkers are entirely believable.
However the news has just broken that due to the ongoing investigation regarding some horrible racist words he may or may not have said to the Premier Leagues most aesthetically pleasing centre back, Terry has been stripped of the England captaincy until a verdict has been reached — which is convenient really as the date is several days after Euro 2012 ends — leaving the FA able to pick him guilt free until then, innocent until proven guilty and all that.
This obviously has caused a bit of a stink and plenty of people have been sticking their oar in. For example, prolific goal fiend, Jason Roberts, took time out of his busy schedule of tucking away 30 yard bicycle kicks and firing in rabonas from the half way line to give JT a good old twitter bashing. Now don’t get me wrong, despite his fvcking absurd twitter blurb which cringingly states some melodramatic Victorian tosh about being the ‘captain of my soul’, a quote he probs first heard on a voice over in One Tree Hill, Jason Roberts seems a decent bloke with a stellar track record of charity stuff.
Jason enjoying a gate with some lovely ivy above it.
The FA were quick to add that the decision was not an indication of guilt and that he would continue to be available for selection till the court’s decision is made. Interestingly the decision now means that Fabio Capello has the massive ball ache of selecting a captain again. Must be pretty annoying for him to be honest as all the senior players in his squad are either top knob heads (Cole, Terry, Rooney) or crocks (Gerrard, Ferdinand). If I were Fabio I’d sack it all in, appoint Paul Gascoigne as el Capitano and be done with it, safe in the knowledge he’ll be at police shoot outs with a carefully selected rescue kit rather than anywhere near the TOXIC England camp. Ultimately, uninspiring dullard and the worlds most 6.5 out of 10 player, Garry Barry, will probs get it. Yawn.
I can’t wait till after the trial verdict when JT will yell ‘Rio Dawg you and your bruv have been merked!’ and it turns out that it was all just an episode of ‘JT’s Euro Leg Yankers’ that got got hideously out of hand.
