The magical faraway kingdom of Japan is no stranger to us here at Sick Chirpse Towers. We have written about this wonderful country and its many-splendored delights on more than one occasion. Now, however, we are presented with a Japanese concoction so utterly wrong (and yet so very, very right) that it makes the country’s other “eccentric” cultural mainstays (including used knickers in vending machines and urine-powered video games in pubs) look positively tame by comparison. Behold: bread that looks like vaginas. Just take a gander at the comestible coochies below;
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At first we had to double-check our calendars to make sure we weren’t the gullible victims of an April Fool’s prank. Then we had to make sure we weren’t looking at stills from an old episode of Brass Eye. But there is no such tomfoolery going on here, nor is it a niche company catering to the needs of Japan’s more, ahem, sexually progressive citizens. This is a spectacularly short-sighted collaboration between the creators of virtual singer Hatsune Miku and (wait for it) a family-friendly nationwide supermarket chain. Whoops!
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One can only imagine the surprised looks on shoppers faces when they entered branches of Family Mart (essentially the Japanese Tesco) one morning to find row upon row of edible miniature love canals staring back at them. From what we can gather, the rationale behind this vag-tastic faux-pas was to do with the onset of Spring. The wrapper bears the legend ‘Sakura no Ame’, a song by Hatsune Miku which translates as ‘Cherry Blossom Rain’. The beautiful Sakura cherry blossoms will be soon be popping up across Japan, bringing delight to all those who gaze upon them. The characteristic pink hue of the flowers has been incorporated into the bread, though perhaps not in as charming a manner as was originally intended. But what better way to mark this joyous rebirth of nature than with a load of baked goods indistinguishable from sausage wallets? Perhaps the manufacturer cooked up a batch of these tiny pink tacos, only to realise at the very last minute what a catastrophic error they’d made and elected to keep quiet out of sheer embarrassment;
Our only lament is that we don’t have an assortment of these delicious pseudo-silk funnels to munch on. If you happen to be in Japan then take your picture with them and send it in or even better, send some to us! Alternatively, leave your favourite vagina nicknames in the comments section below.
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