Nick Young AKA Swaggy P from the LA Lakers is currently dating Iggy Azalea, and turns out he’s risking his life in doing so because a dolphin literally tried to kill him and make off with her. In his own words:

He was playing with everybody else, doing what dolphins do – the ‘ack ack’ and all that. It was my time to ride the dolphin. For some reason, he took me all the way to the bottom. He was trying to drown me. But I saw it happening so I jumped out of the water and took off the little life vest and threw off my little water shoes and stayed outside. He went straight down. He was trying to kill me. I think he was trying to get on Iggy. He was a little friendly, kissing her and stuff. He was trying to take my woman.

Makes total sense. I actually believe him. We all know dolphins are super intelligent animals who have a history of sexy time with humans so it’s not a stretch to think they’d want to take out their love rivals and take off with their chicks. Just another example of how intelligent dolphins are — this one took one look at Iggy’s massive butt and immediately decided to murder Nick Young. Lucky escape for the guy.

Anyway after reading this I did a bit of research on Swaggy P (proper journos here) and turns out the guy is hilarious. Think he might actually be the smoothest motherfucker alive:

Thanks for the advice bro. Hope your girlfriend’s fans have stopped trying to finger her while she crowdsurfs.