Nature is the most beautiful thing in the universe (as far as we know). But with her beauty comes a healthy portion of killer instinct, blood, guts and murder. That’s life, as the old adage goes, “red in tooth and claw”.
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Over the years humans have ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time and got into trouble with an animal. That’s the way things go sometimes. On the other hand, every so often you come across an animal who has a taste for human flesh. These mass murders by individual carnivores sometimes have death tolls in excess of a hundred bodies. So consider this a public safety broadcast. If you find yourself fighting for your life against one of earth’s most able killers, hopefully the following tips will hold you in good stead.
I don’t mean to be a negative ninny or whatever, but if you do end up in a pitted battle against any of the creatures below, you’re probably going to get owned. Hard. But perhaps these tips will be the difference between a maiming and a funeral.
Good luck:
1) Gorillas
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What are you doing mucking around with gorillas in the first place? OK, well it’s too late, you’re in trouble now. What you gonna do? Hopefully the gorilla is just mucking about, you aren’t a normal meal for him. If he’s playing, just be submissive. Keep your eyes and head low. Hopefully he’ll lose interest.
It might be wise, if you get the chance, to start grooming him. He might think of it as an act of submission and let you be.
