His brow furrows, his lip curls uncomfortably. Shifting his position he swings one leg up on to the bed, staring at his brother.

“I mean, I can’t expect her to spend every waking moment being appreciative of me. It was her party after all, she had to be everywhere at once, and making sure everyone had a good time. She is the pro at that. The girls were screeching at every joke she made, and the guys were eating out of the palm of her hand. She could have had any one of them right then if the fancy had taken her, boy or girls I reckon. Strange though, it was a good party, and I got quite drunk, but I was on edge all night. I don’t feel like I fit in there, I don’t really… belong. The entire evening it felt like everyone else was on a boat, and I was at the shore, watching them slowly but surely sail off into the distance. We all make a good show of being friendly, laughing at each other’s jokes, and I do enjoy their company to an extent, but there’s something in the way; an invisible barrier, that no matter how hard we push, just won’t come away. Even Katie keeps me at arm’s length these days. She says she loves me. I hope she does. Guess I just have to take her at her word.”

A pause. An aeroplane splutters overhead. It sounds old, one of the first planes to take explorers into the heavens, uncovering one the last great unknowns of our world. Sounds like it could be a rundown Boeing.

“A Japanese kid joined my class last month. He’s called Shirow. Quiet guy, barely speaks to anyone, even though he’s joined a couple of sports teams. They say he’s really good at them at them all. A proper whizz kid as well, been getting top marks in just about everything. We’d exchanged a few words, a few hellos over the course of his first week, nothing extensive, certainly nothing that amounted to a conversation. The start of his second week it was just the two of us at the end of class, clearing equipment away. My feeble attempts to start up conversation had fallen flat, so we’d carried on in silence for a couple of minutes. I’d put my bag on, I was ready to go. I-“

A crash echoes from somewhere deep within the flat, a large, heavy object falling from a great height on to the floor. The boy leaps up from the bed, perspiration breaking out instantly across his forehead, a wild look in his eyes. The look of a caged animal, seized by fear and the instinct to survive, he pounces upon the door, carefully turning the handle, the opening click barely visible. He observes with one eye through the crack for several minutes, and we strain to hear the sounds of movement, of approach, but there is none. The apartment appears to have returned to its serene normality, the crash an irregular blip in the calm. Even noise from without has ceased, no planes, no birds, a collective intake of breath. The world waits with us.

The boy closes the door again, this time carefully turning the lock, silently sealing us in the room. He lets out a long sigh as he returns to his seat, and as if this was the all clear signal everything had been waiting on, a car exhaust bangs! loudly from below the window.

“I don’t know why I kissed him. I’ve never been interested in men- I’m not interested in men. At least, not any other man. Sure, there are a few guys I know who I would say are attractive, but in a mutually appreciative sort of way. I don’t want to take them home and fvck them. I have Katie, I love Katie. I was walking past him, making for the door, when I caught the smell of his aftershave, and maybe that was what did it, because the next thing I knew I had cupped his face in my hands and I was kissing him. Not just me kissing him, but he was kissing me back. Our hands were all over each other. My penis was so hard I thought it was about to explode.”

The boy tosses the necklace onto the bed, then swings his leg up and positions them crossed underneath him. He stares at the sleeper for several minutes, but not with any comprehension, as if looking directly through him. Eventually, he exhales loudly.

“That’s how it started. Every couple of days I go over to his house in the evening. I don’t know what his parents do, but they’re home at that time. All he says is that their work keeps irregular hours. It’s your standard house really, nothing unexpected, the odd Japanese ornament here and there. It looks as if he has a sister as well. The room next to him looks as if a thirteen or fourteen year old girl lives there. She’s not at school though, and in any case I’ve never really thought to ask while I’m there.”

“I suppose that’s true about most things: Shirow and I just don’t discuss them. I go around to his place, we have a little chat about school or Basketball- he loves Basketball, so I guess that’s one thing we have in common- and then just bang until we come and can’t move anymore.”

He cups his head in his hands, takes a deep breath as if he is about to plunge into icy water, then continues.

“It’s not as if $ex with Katie is unsatisfying. I enjoy it, and the pleasure we give each other. I think that’s why she hasn’t really thought anything’s wrong yet, we’re still doing it regularly. I guess I’m just horny. But $ex with Shirow is… it’s the most stimulating experience I’ve ever had. From the first moment he touches me there’s this connection, as if some energy reacts in our bodies and binds them together. It makes every touch, every movement, and every sound one hundred times more real. Like I’ve been blind and deaf all my life, and suddenly I can see and hear. While this energy is running through us, between us, the whole world could burn and melt away for all I would care. I savour every moment like it’s the last I’ll ever have, touching my fingers and lips to every part of his body. He does the same to me. Starting with kissing my eyelids. At the time I didn’t care that it was a bit odd, and now I just think it’s kind of cute. He doesn’t take me in his mouth anymore. The first couple of times I came the first minute of him doing it, so we decided it was a no-no. I’m surprised the $ex doesn’t make me as well. Let’s just say, it’s a bit of a Jekyll and Hyde experience. With Katie, we’re quite vanilla; with Shirow, it’s as if we’ve been possessed by the fvcking Wolfman.

A pause, again for several minutes. His breathing is shallow and quick, his skin obviously clammy.

“There was one time. It was after $ex. Normally it’s quite structured, regimented you could say. We have $ex, we finish, I leave. Don’t mistake what I’ve said for anything emotional, our relationship isn’t like that. Don’t get me wrong, I like him, we get on, and as I’ve said the feeling I get from him is fantastical, but after $ex it dissipates. He’s a sweet guy, but I don’t have an attachment to him necessarily, just the physical euphoria. I sound like an awful person, right, using him for that?”

There is, predictably, no answer.