70-year-old Lynda Holmes from Lancashire went absolutely postal on her husband Gordon, 78, this week, claiming she “saw red” after catching him watching porn.

Featured Image VIA

Burnley Crown Court heard how Gordon ran out into the street bleeding and told neighbours his wife had “gone mad”.

When police asked Lynda what happened, she said:

I caught him with porn. He tried to get rid of it. I’ve seen red and attacked him. I wanted to kill him.

It should be murder. I want 10 years of my life back. I saw red mist.

He hasn’t touched me for over 10 years and now he’s watching porn. How dare he? How do I go about getting 10 years of my life back?

Gordon told police that he feels, “partly responsible because of his selfishness,” by playing in a band, playing golf and, “spending considerable time away from home and not supporting his wife”.

Image VIA

Fair play to Gordon for accepting some of the blame here. When you commit yourself to a long-term relationship/marriage, it’s your duty to have sex with the other person at least now and again, even if you’re sick and tired of having sex with them. Doesn’t matter if you’re playing in a band, playing golf, or whatever else Gordon was doing. You’ve got to be able to perform when the lady needs it. Sounds like Gordon’s junk is all in working order, so he’s really got no excuse there.

How will he make it up to her though? Here’s an idea.