On Valentine’s Day I sit down and knocked back coffees chased with Etizolam to calm my anxious paranoia but simultaneously enforcing a nervous energy that will ride me through these incessant deadlines, alone listening to Radiohead and My Bloody Valentine. In short, I am a single and a whiny bitch of a last-minute-Larry university student; wallowing in the self pity necessary to inspire the appropriate level of work for my English Literature & Creative Writing degree.
☛ More: Meet Merlin, The Cat Who Purrs As Loud As A Lion
I don’t have a Valentine, and I certainly received no card, but what I did gain was a wonderful gift that you can all share in — the gift of a Google Doodle. In celebration of Valentine’s Day, and the more awesome 154th birthday of George Washington Gale Ferris, Jr; or George Ferris; or the man who created the original Ferris Wheel, the Godlike figures at Google, from high on their thrones at the internet’s Mount Olympus made us all their Valentines.
The Doodle itself involves two Ferris Wheels that, upon pushing of a heart-shaped button, generate two completely disparate animals who through cartoony voyeurism we get to see go on dates — an idea that could exponentially improve the post-show dates on Take Me Out. Go here and have a play around, there’s a good variety of different combinations.
Whilst altogether sweet – I never thought seeing a tiger and a horse holding hands staring into the night sky from a hillside could touch me in such a way – it begs the question of the awesome potential that these dates could lead to. I mean is it possible that completely opposing inter-species romances could capable of producing offspring? Who wouldn’t want an elephant monkey, or an octopus bear?
☛ More: Can You Get Any Luckier?
I put it to you avid geneticist readers, or dab hands with Photoshop or a pencil, to see about making this dream a reality. Answers on a postcard, or Tweet. I want us to outdo the cross-pollinated animal insanity that God (though other deities are available) thinks (s)he has top trumps on with the duck billed platypus.
I know that we all know, from that famous song by Loverboy, that pig and elephant DNA just won’t splice, but goddamn it we can try, and if all else fails we get Elton John to play live and we get all those animals good and drunk. It is Valentine’s Day after all, someone or something is bound to be getting lucky somewhere.
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