It’s been a while since we had a good ‘Florida man’ story on Sick Chirpse but we’re back with a good one from Jacksonville this week.

It’s the story of a man who brutally murdered a vicious, cold-blooded chicken that attacked him on his property. The chicken had already attacked his dad previously and so seemingly it was trying to take out his whole family. When the rooster’s neck flared up and it leapt at the man he had no choice but to fight for his life, resulting in the following outcome:

Florida Man was arrested for felony animal abuse after killing his neighbor’s pet rooster with a stick. He claims it was in self-defense: “He called the chicken police on me! Chickens are dying every day at Churches, Popeyes and KFC!” pic.twitter.com/3GVKvhGDOc

— Ron Filipkowski 🇺🇦 (@RonFilipkowski) July 4, 2022

Essentially, he killed the rooster in self-defence, which is about as American as it gets. Can you believe his neighbour then called the chicken police on him? This guy was arrested and had to go to jail for something that KFC and Popeye’s do every day! Are you telling me Americans can shoot a man if he’s a burgling their house, but can’t kill a chicken that’s attacking them on their property?

Well anyway, once he gets all the legal issues sorted he should probably put up a ‘No Chickens’ sign on his lawn to ensure this sort of thing doesn’t happen again. Fair play to the chicken police for just doing their jobs but #TeamNick on this one.

For wild footage of police chasing a drunk woman driving through a Florida golf course, click HERE.