The other day we featured Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga sporting lame new tattoos. Lady Gaga now has an anchor under her left nork, and Bieber has a tattoo of an ejaculating cock on his cheek. Well it’s actually a crown on his hairless (easy wipe) torso but who gives a fvck.

Now, tattoos are a subjective thing. Personally I’ve got some absolute shitters, although I’d like to think that if I had Ed Sheeran’s bank balance, I’d be off to some swanky parlour in London to get a skull smoking a gun with some roses and pirate ship, but alas not poor Ed.

Ed has gone for a half sleeve, that looks like he has let one his junior fan base stick a tattoo gun in their anus, then get drunk and decorate his cum coloured skin. There’s some shitty leaves, a paw print, a goat, a snowflake and some jigsaw pieces that wouldn’t look out of place adorning the walls of a nursery for the colourblind. Aww bless you might say, well we say, Ed, you’re a silly cunt and what will your parents think? Can someone please ask Roseanne Barr and Paul Scholes?

You’d naturally think that a man who looks like the Pillsbury Doughboy with a volcano erupting on his head would try and hide away from anymore gross disfigurements. Fortunately for us, no. What next? We suggest a teletubby around his tinky-winky or how about a cartoon strip, where Popeye dyes Olive Oyl’s thatch dark green and then pretends it’s a whole pile of tasty spinach? Yummy! You can see the evidence for yourself below. There may be nothing wrong with Ed’s hearin’ (sorry) but he might want to go and get his eyesight checked.