You ONLY Look At Your Phone

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This beef is ultra-common now. It’s all over the press and the internet. Headlines like this: ‘Spending time on your phone gives you cancer‘ and ‘People look at their phones more than each others faces” or “Facebook gives you AIDS” etc.

Now, I’m not one to jump on the bandwagon with all the other dip shits in the media, but they have a point here. Although, to be fair, people spend more time on the internet than they do chatting because most people are boring cunts.

Think about your circle of friends, I bet the one that always tells you to get off your phone is probably the one that no one wants to talk to. Am I right?

Anyhow, that aside, if you realise your thumbs hurt from scrolling and you haven’t looked anyone in the eye for a month, it might be time to ask whether your life is so bad you want to literally crawl into the internet and live there.

If the answer to that personal question is in the affirmative then it’s time for some drastic measures – remember no one’s FB profile is their actual life:

My advice: I’m not going to tell you to bin your phone, that’s retarded. But what I want you to do is put it in a ziziplock bag or pencil case, or something like that. Then put that inside a plastic bag, then put that inside another bag. Then just see how you get on.

Eventually you won’t be able to be arsed to get it out and your brain will have to start working on its own. It might be that you stop communicating with some people, but fuck it. You only need two or three friends any way.

Word of warning: You might actually enjoy looking at the world, this could turn your brain inside out permanently.