Do You Think You Could Survive The ‘Withnail & I’ Drinking Game?

It’s 1969. You’re in London, an unemployed and unemployable actor, stuck between an alcoholic thespian and an insistent drug dealer. The walls of your Camden squat are leaking, you’re struggling to sign on and the only form of escape is the pub where psychotic Irishmen want to beat you up for the stench of perfume emanating from your footwear. You decide it’s time for an “accidental” trip to the country.

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If any of you were reading this with a slight smirk on your face, then you too must be a fan of the cult classic movie ‘Withnail & I’. Written and directed by novelist and director Bruce Robinson, this movie is an autobiographical black comedy telling the story of his experience living in Camden and struggling as an actor on the dole.

It has gained cult classic status for many reasons, one of those being the dialogue, which contains distinct idiosyncrasies seen in all of Robinson’s writings. And of course the acting – this has to be one of Richard E. Grant’s greatest triumphs.

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I could talk about this movie for hours, but today we’re here to discuss one of the most significant features – the boozing. As said, Withnail’s character was based on a real friend of Robinson’s who ended up drinking so much in real life that he had to be fed through a tube. In the movie there’s not one scene where Withnail’s not eying up the wrong side of the bottle, even if that bottle contains lighter fluid.

From this, the ‘Withnail & I’ drinking game was born, a game that you need to be part brave, part stupid to attempt. If liver poisoning isn’t your bag, then here are the “soft” options:

Take a shot of something every time Withnail swears
Take a shot whenever there’s a homoerotic moment
Take a shot whenever Paul McGann is shirtless or in underwear
Drink when Withnail drinks. Not what but This is less likely to kill you

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However, of course, we’re not here for the soft stuff. We are going to outline the game to end all games (and quite possibly your life if you’re not careful). These are the rules to the ‘Withnail & I’ hard drinking game, but be warned – it’s not for the soft livered:

The rules are simple – match Withnail drink-for-drink. For this you are going to need:

Gin
Cider
Ale
Sherry
Whiskey
Red wine

Optional:

1 x bottle of lighter fluid (which you’re allowed to/should substitute with vinegar)

1 x Camberwell Carrot (if you know, you know)

Withnail drinks in the order of 9 1/2 glasses of red wine, 1 pint of cider, 1 shot of lighter fluid, 2 1/2 shots of gin, 6 glasses of sherry, 13 whiskeys and 1/2 a pint of ale through the film. Here they are in order:

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Mouthful of red wine
Lighter fluid
Double gin
Finger of cider (with ice)
Finger of cider (with ice)
Finger of cider (with ice)
Glass of sherry
Two big chugs of sherry
Mouthful of sherry
Sip of sherry
Double whisky
Mouthful of whisky
Mouthful of whisky
Mouthful of whisky
Mouthful of whisky
Splash of whisky
Single Teachers
Double Teachers
Double Teachers
Single Teachers
Sip of sherry
Three fingers of ale
Sip of red wine
Gulp of sherry
Small glass of red wine
Sip of red wine
Half glass of red wine
Sip of Pernod
Sip of red wine
Sip of red wine
Gulp of red wine
Gulp of red wine
Finger of red wine
Finger of red wine
Gulp of red wine (“’53 Margeaux”)
Gulp of red wine (“’53 Margeaux”)
Gulp of red wine (“’53 Margeaux”)
Gulp of red wine (“’53 Margeaux”)

Boom – even by my standards, that’s a lot of fucking booze. Reckon your liver could handle that? If so, you’re a stronger man than Withnail. If any of you attempt the game this Sunday, let us know how it went – we’d love to know. Maybe use your Guzzle Buddy to help you along.