Thanks to Barry Mackenzie for sending this over. Ages ago I dissed some guys from Don’t Flop because it was marketed all over the internet as a rap battle between a 14 year old kid and his English teacher but it wasn’t, it was just two guys rapping and all the Don’t Flop guys hate us now because I called Blizzard a little shithead, but I mean I’m a white punk, what am I supposed to know about rap battles or anything like that? I was just going with what was on the internet. But yeah, perhaps I should have given those guys some more credit (or at least done some better research) because the latest MC in the house – known as DJ Smile – really does show how good these guys at Don’t Flop are and how little I probably know about the subject.

So yeah DJ Smile in this video chooses to ply his trade at a motorway service station. Points for originality there mate sure, but ultimately a completely and utterly crap look. It probably would have ben better filming on the mean streets of Huddersfield. Anyway, DJ Smile doesn’t seem to have any flow at all, even though he’s dressed the part with a bomber jacket and a baseball cap on,  if you forgive the fact that he looks like he’s a 35 year old heroin addict. I guess that kinda adds to his image though. He also bops from side to side like he’s been watching too many Blazin’ Squad videos.

But it’s not his image which is the main talking point in the video, although there is certainly a lot of ammo for making jokes about that. No, it’s his completely lame attempt at freestyling. Like, I’m not a rapper by any stretch of the imagination but then I don’t dress like one and claim to be the main man in Huddersfield, but this guy does and all he does is spit the same words over and over again and they don’t even make any sense : ‘in the place, safe to be, ecstasy’ in a horrible Northern accent that just completely and utterly sucks. He kinda sounds like a contestant on Catchphrase desperately trying to find the answer to the Catchphrase and saying the same stuff over and over again even though they know it’s wrong.

After about 20 seconds he gives up and explains to the camera that he just couldn’t think and ran out of ideas – I guess maybe he just gets a bit camera shy? His buddy film – who sounds like he’s some 15 year old rudeboy who’s probably just filming him so he can stick the video up on YouTube and laugh at him – encourages him to continue so we get some more bad rhymes that don’t make any sense in that terrible accent ‘Selector. Garage injector. Selector.’  As he struggles to come up with more rhymes over the next minute of the video a baby starts crying as the best that is offered to us is ‘in the place, off your face’ and he says place about a million times in between long pauses. He then claims to be the main man in Huddersfield and then ‘tells us to forget the tile, because he’s the fvcking man that can do the fvcking mile.’ Ok then.

If ever, ever, ever it has had to be said than it’s about this guy. To quote Limp Bizkit, ‘you better get some better beats and er, get some better rhymes.’ Check out the hilariously pathetic video below:

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