Employee: George Clooney

Job: Batman

Pressure rating: 9.5/10

Just because your careers advisor told you Batman isn’t a real job doesn’t make it true. Public school does nothing but piss on your parade.

Naturally, when George Clooney was asked to be Batman he said yes – because obviously only a complete nutjob says no to being Batman. The problem was George ended up doing a pretty terrible job of being Batman. I never thought it possible to act wooden in a homoerotic manor but he somehow managed it in Joel Schumacher’s 1997 abortion Batman & Robin.

Clooney has refused to give new Batman Ben Affleck any advice, stating: “I am the least qualified person to comment on anyone playing the role of Batman since I so terribly destroyed the part”.

Self-awareness is the staple of a healthy career progression. I said ‘Batman’ a lot in this bit of the article.

Moyes-factor: The issue with any period of prolonged success is there’s always someone around the corner who’ll ruin it. Another guy will then take the reigns and revive the flagging franchise to its former glory (Nolan). I’ll stick my neck out and put a few quid on Moyes being the unsuccessful middleman.

* Disclaimer. The views expressed in this article in no way reflect the writer’s actual views on David Moyes (unless proved right, in which case they do.).

☛ Watch Next: Usain Bolt Uploads Video Telling David Moyes To Buy Players