I’ve been writing stories for Sick Chirpse for a hell of a long time now, but I don’t think I’ve heard of anything as downright bizarre as this man telling a courtroom that he has two anuses for no apparent reason.

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37 year old industrial carpet fitter Christopher Henderson-Grey was appearing in court charged with driving without due care and attention back on July 1st 2022 in Pembroke. He was driving a white Peugeot van when he mounted the kerb outside The Castle Inn on Main Street and almost knocked over three men who were standing outside it.

Henderson Grey’s solicitor Michael Kelleher offered the following defence of his client:

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This is a hard-working man albeit with a very awkward physical problem.

It’s very difficult to think of a way of describing his problem, other than he has two holes for his anus instead of one.

He’d driven down the road the wrong way, was flagged and corrected himself.

He put his brakes on, looked down to his satnav and found that his right hand had placed the vehicle slightly to the left.

As soon as he realised what had happened, he corrected it.

This certainly wasn’t aggressive driving but a momentary lapse of concentration.

What? Why the hell did he have to mention the fact that he had two anuses? That’s got absolutely nothing to do with anything here.

Maybe you thought that something like that might illicit sympathy from the jury and that was Kelleher’s ploy because that makes some semblance of sense? Wrong again because Henderson-Grey pleaded guilty to the charge and accepted the £317 fine and three points on his licence, so there was literally no reason whatsoever to talk about the fact he had two anuses! Completely bizarre chain of events. Why? Absolutely lost for words on this one.

For more of the same, check out when this guy suffered a rectal blowout after his mate stuck an air compressor up his butt. What is wrong with some people?