Continue To Whine And Post Picture Of Cats On Social Media Platforms After You Die

Live fast, die young and keep on tweeting – This is apparently where our generation is going. A London-based app developer (Lean Mean Fighting Machine, for those that know) has created an app that, after you die, will keep on tweeting for you. What the actual fuck? The app with the terrible name LivesOn analyses your Twitter feed to generate new tweets so you can continually annoy anyone who was dumb enough to follow you in the first place.

I don’t really get this… concept. Lets say you tweet about your top 10 turkish Balearic house tunes every tuesday at 3pm. How is this app meant to know what you’re going to post? Surely it won’t be able to do it’s research into the current balearic house scene and pick a decent top 10? If it can I will eat my hands and never write another word on the internet, ever. I guess I won’t have to with this stupid fucking app, it’ll know me so well and will tweet on my behalf, continuing the pointless stream that is my twitter feed.

Even if this app got into the right hands, like Stephan Fry or Overly Manly Man, can wit and humour be analysed into algorithm format? Cos that’s what the app does, it analyses your likes, tastes and syntax and using this information, recreates posts and links that it thinks you would do if you were still alive. The app is released in March so I guess it would be fun to fake my own death and let you guys know? Well take a vote and let me know what you all decide yeah? Safe.

Social media is a classic example of something that is a victim of it’s own success. When facebook became half decent and twitter started to become a little more mainstream circa 2008 (if you got on the bus early), the novelty of someone posting a picture of their lunch was fresh and opened a lot of doors to the way that we now document our lives online for all to see. And most of those people we don’t actually know. I’m definitely guilty of this. I have “twitter friends”. And so what? They’re all wankers and we enjoy taking the piss out of each other. Better that then going home and shooting your missus in the face through the bathroom door right?

When I started writing this piece I didn’t really have an idea where I was gonna go. But as the words tumbled forth from my fingers as I lay here in bed wondering if I made the right choices for my fantasy league team, and I think there was a point. But after some time away from the screen and dropping some chedda in PoundLand, I don’t think there was a point after all. This has turned more into an overview of the digital world we’re now apart of. A world where ,’till death do us part’ doesn’t exist cos you can still be a part of the online world when you’re in fact dead and gone from the real world. This is a pretty sad state of affairs people.

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LivesOn is not the first post-death app to be built. There are others that post to your facebook and only becomes active after at least 3 of your friends have confirmed that you are in fact, dead. A creative director for the firm said this is easier than freezing a head cryogenically, and it’s a lot cheaper. Well this might be true Dave Bedwood, but have you even seen Futurama? Point and case, you ball sack. I really don’t think the world needs to be kept in the loop about dead Riri and her somewhat questionable selfies. It’s not like they’re going to get any better once she’s carked it.

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When we die, we’re suppose to be dead. The idea of some robot tweeting on my behalf and besmirching my awesome online alias isn’t that great. What if my algorithm thinks I have deeply seeded racist tendencies This doesn’t bode well for anyone, a million dead tweeters all tweeting inappropriately and no one can stop it. Wonderful. Now here’s a picture of a cat.