Whilst there may be fears of an eventual world war between China and the United States, we might not need to be that afraid of it because it turns out that the Chinese army is low on recruits because their youth is too fat and masturbates too much to be effective. Lol.

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According to the People’s Liberation Daily, in one city in China 56% of military applicants were rejected due to the fact that they had a poor diet and lifestyle. Going in to more depth, the newspaper revealed that one in five were deemed too fat and technology was blamed for this, with army chiefs saying that “the standard of health is related to sitting too long on computer games, excessive masturbation and too little physical activity”.

In addition to this, they also believe that the excessive masturbation led to larger than normal testicular veins and a subsequent fall in fitness as a result. Not sure if there’s actually a scientific relationship between those two but hey, it’s funny so I’ll roll with it.

Technology was also blamed for the fact that 46% of applicants failed the eyesight test as they just spent all their time staring at their phones and other screens. The report also said that the majority of young people were unhealthy because they drank too many fizzy drinks and ate too much unhealthy food, damaging their liver and kidneys. Probably got a point there, but I’m not sure it’s limited only to the Chinese.

So I suppose we can all sleep safer in less fear of the Chinese’s ineffective recruitment campaign for their army. Here’s hoping at least.

For more China, ever wondered why their top businessmen keep disappearing? Check this out – weird.