I’ve never donated sperm, but I’ve always thought that it’s probably kinda awkward to go into some little room in a hospital with a porno and crack one out – I figured I might get stage fright ot just not be able to do it basically – and it turns out that this is apparently a big problem in China as well.

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I know what you’re all thinking – it’s because they’ve got tiny cocks isn’t it? – but let’s leave that to one side now and focus on what they’re doing to solve the problem of their lack of semen supplies: the ‘sperm extractor’. These machines have been built to help guys who are having trouble jerking off and provides you with a ‘vaginal substitute’ which can simulate massage, twitching, sucking and vibration. The height, speed and heat of the machine can all be adjusted as well to give you the experience you need for it to collect your sperm. Fantastic.

Here’s a look at what one of them looks like, as what inventor Ding Guijiang had to say about them:

Hospitals mostly use masturbation as their collection method without providing a venue or equipment.

This makes collecting sperm on site very difficult. We invented an automatic sperm extractor which is also user friendly.

Yeah I mean I’m not sure if it would actually be that user friendly, unless you enjoy the idea of being wanked off by a machine, but I suppose it’s marginally less weird than wanking off on your own in the middle of a hospital? Or maybe not, I can’t really decide which I’d rather do if I was forced to choose to be honest.

Not really sure if it’s going to solve the sperm shortage over in China really either, but it looks like they’re gonna give it a right old go as they’ve ordered a shit tonne of these things for every hospital. Is there something really creepy and weird about having a bunch of people sticking their dicks in machines and get wanked off whilst you’re waiting to get your hearing tested or is that just me?

For more of the same, check out this blow job machine. Pretty much exactly the same thing.