Charli XCX has leaked a list of ridiculous marketing ideas that her record label suggested for her, including getting her nipples pierced, leaking a sex tape, acting like an obnoxious idiot on the tube, and getting caught shoplifting in a stunt they titled ‘Winona moment’, in reference to actress Winona Ryder being arrested for shoplifting in 2001.

If you’re wondering “who the hell is Charli XCX?”, she’s a megastar singer in the UK and quite popular around the world too. Her biggest tune is probably ‘Boom Clap’, which you would probably recognise immediately if you heard it.

Anyway, onto the record label’s suggestions of an Charli XCX sex tape, shoplifting and other insanity. Here’s the list Charli leaked onto IG:

Jeez, how depressing is that? Not only are those ideas absolutely awful, they also make you wonder how many record labels have actually carried out these fake, attention-seeking stunts with their artists in order to grab headlines. It’s just so sad to think about in an industry that’s already overrun with manufactured personalities and publicity stunts. So big up Charli XCX for not only turning down those suggestions, but also baiting them up online for the rest of us to see.

Unless… the marketing idea itself was to leak this list of supposed ‘marketing ideas’? In which case we’ve all been fooled and might actually be dealing with a bunch of geniuses here. Then again, who are we kidding? If Charli XCX did get her nipples pierced, leaked a sex tape or annoyed a bunch of people on the tube, we’d 100% blog every single one of those things on Sick Chirpse. I’m just not sure it would do much for her artistic integrity/record sales, all things considered. But maybe that’s why they’re the record execs and I’m the stoned blogger typing away in his pants. Fair play.

For the woman who is suing Jason Derulo for ‘expecting sex’ after signing her to his record label, click HERE.