Peaches Geldof

After being named after a dodgy fruit by a father who invented poverty and a mother who dropped the family for an erotic asphyxiation enthusiast, I guess we couldn’t have expected anything else from the young Geldof. As well as being a much-loved socialite (drunk bitch), columnist for The Daily Telegraph (show-off) and a thoroughly failed model (ugly) and chat show host (boring) she has made time for her real hobby (stealing). In 2008, Peaches was accused of pilfering undergarments from an East London store when she tucked a £500 dress in her bag before leaving the establishment.

She somehow keeps on getting away with it though. Probably because the shopkeepers agree with her father’s outlook on Mondays or just fvcking love the Boomtown Rats…On second thoughts, they must just be bored chasing after the ugly bitch every time she fancies a new cardy.

So whether they are just bored or really do think that they are above the law – one thing we can be sure of is that celebrities have no plan to stop doing what they love to do most – steal.

So all we can do now – armed with this ammo of excuses is heed the words of the Smiths and unite in our struggle to take down all the corporations in sight.

Shoplifters of the world unite and take over.

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