Antony Worral Thompson
Antony Worral Thompson – TV chef, fat knobhead, thief.
He started out just a regular, if not slightly obese, ginger baby but soon added disfigurement to his repertoire. He got what was coming to him in a game of rugby where a young man – now knighted for his valour – sent him flying, messing his face up. AWT had to wait until he was 21 to get his face fixed, and despite the surgeons being fully qualified he still looks like this:
He began his career by opening up a restaurant called “Ménage à Trois” – most likely named after the situation involving a goat, a ginger pirate and a jackyl that led to his birth. A place famed for only serving starters and desserts…most likely as Antony Chubber Thompson ate the main course himself. In between meals he has also taken time to appear on several cooking shows including BBC’s Ready, Steady, Cook and ITV’s Daily Cooks Challenge. However, things began taking a turn for the worse around late 2009 when karma finally caught up with the rotund 60 year-old as he was forced to close four of his top-end restaurants. He cited decreased revenue since September 2008 as the justification for putting several hundred people out of work.
With his life spiralling out of control he decided to turn his hand to becoming a petty thief, choosing poor old Tesco’s cheese section as his victim. AWT has made a full public apology and has admitted he “let down” his family and friends by swiping cheese, wine and onions from Tesco in Henley-on-Thames, Oxfordshire. Old Wozza made the point of saying that hopefully he could go some way to making amends for his actions and promised that he would seek psychiatric help…possibly for his kleptomania but most likely for his binge eating.
His sincere apology took a bad turn though and soon became a homage to Shakespeare’s Sister undoubtedly aimed at his two previous wives who both took it upon themselves to divorce the old ratbag:
“I’m not the first, and I certainly won’t be the last person to do something without rhyme or reason. What went through my head, only time will tell (if you can’t break the spell back to your own world.”
It later unravelled that this was possibly the fourth occasion of which he decided to envoke the spirit of the master thieves of yesteryear as staff had previously installed a secret camera amid suspicions that the hairy walrus was not following the correct protocol with the self scanners.
Riot police were later set down to reprimand the father-of-four after the security guard and police on scene failed to control the situation. Attempts were made to dispossess the chef of a wheel of cheese which inadvertently led to him taking chomp out of the security guards arm like it was a cured ham.
